EOLPodcast

Ep. 414 Self-Care Series: The Benefits of Gratitude with Karen Wyatt

Today is “Self-Care Monday” and I’ll be enjoying a little time off. In this brief audio recording you will learn about powerful benefits of experiencing gratitude and 3 simple practices to help you bring more gratitude into your life. One thing I’m grateful for is all of the wonderful listeners out there who send me encouraging messages and make contributions to keep this podcast on the air. Thank you for your support! I hope you’ll take time for some self-care too as you work to help others experience a better end of life and prepare for your own future path. See you next week for a regular episode where I’ll share a new interview!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 411 The Four Things That Matter Most with Dr. Ira Byock

Learn about a powerful book that has been helping people heal their relationships at the end of life for almost 20 years.

My special guest Dr. Ira Byock is a leading palliative care physician, author, and public advocate for improving care through the end of life. We discuss his seminal book The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living, which will reach its 20th anniversary next year. Each time I’ve interviewed Dr. Byock in the past I’ve received numerous messages from listeners letting me know how influential this book has been in their work. So it’s time we talked about all the wisdom it contains. Learn more about Dr. Byock’s work and all of his books at his website:

http://www.irabyock.org

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What inspired Dr. Byock to write the book
  • What “the four things” are (and why there used to be 5 things)
  • Why it makes a difference to simply say these four things
  • The importance of forgiveness at the end of life and why people shouldn’t wait until their deathbed to practice it
  • How to use “the four things” if your loved one has already died
  • What to do when you need to make peace with a loved one with dementia
  • How the lessons from this book have made a difference to Dr. Byock

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially Kelly Bean for increasing your pledge, and to Madeleine for buying me 5 coffees! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 344 Tools for Caregivers to Manage Stress and Increase Joy with Roger Moore

Learn some quick and easy stress management tools to improve health and joy during challenging times.

My guest Roger Moore is a certified hypnotherapist who helps people at the end of life with anxiety, depression, pain and other symptoms. His latest book Becoming the Greatest Expression of You contains tips and practices for overcoming the shame and fear of the past to live life more joyfully now. He discusses how these stress-reducing practices might help caregivers stay healthier as they offer care and support to their loved ones. These suggestions are also perfect for all of us as we navigate the stresses of life. Learn more at Roger’s websites:

www.palmdeserthypnosis.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How we can rewire the brain even until the moment we die
  • How to experience joy even during times of pain and difficulty
  • When we are able to recognize the presence of stress in our bodies we can more easily shift out of it into a state of joy
  • How laughter can change an entire day
  • Using a practice of “mental rehearsal” to envision things going well instead of badly
  • How caregivers can learn to ask for help from others
  • Simple tips for using meditation to help with stress
  • The importance of practicing gratitude every day
  • How to use self-forgiveness to move past blame and shame when things go wrong

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLU Blog

Don’t Focus on Regrets at the End of Life

Why it’s not helpful to ask dying people what they regret about their lives and what to do instead.

“Don’t waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy.” 

Roy T. Bennett

For some reason there’s been a buzz in the last few years about finding out what people on their deathbeds regret most about their lives. We hear this often: “they regret what they didn’t do more than things they did.” That’s fine to say and tends to be good advice for those of us who aren’t facing our last days. We can learn from their mistakes and pledge to live our own lives differently from now on.

In fact, research on regret as an emotional state has shown that it may be helpful for young people as a reminder to reconsider their current path and make better choices for the future. But when regret occurs in situations where there is no chance to change the current circumstances or make things better, it can cause chronic stress and do both physical and emotional harm. Individuals who feel they have no path forward can experience guilt, self-blame, disappointment and depression as a result of spending their time focusing on their regrets.

Regret sells

However as a society we are drawn to learning about the regrets of other people because we fear making mistakes or missing out on opportunities. We are eager to benefit from someone else’s suffering if it means we can avoid the same path for ourselves. Advertisers rely on our fears by using regret as a motivator to sell products, such as “this person didn’t buy from us and paid more money for worse service.” We don’t want to be the foolish person who regrets their choice so we pay attention to messages like that and we buy products, books and courses that teach us how to avoid these costly mistakes.

Not helpful at the end

There’s nothing really wrong with this tactic except when it applies to people who are nearing the end of life. Because they may not have time to repair the past or forge a new direction in the future, they have no opportunity to truly learn from their regrets. Placing their attention on the mistakes of their lives may lead them to despair and a feeling of worthlessness as they prepare for the end, especially if you are unable to guide them beyond their self-blame.

Do this instead

Instead of asking “what regrets do you have from the past” we would be better advised to ask “what are you grateful for in your life” or even “are there things left undone that you would still like to address.” If the person wants to talk about regrets it’s fine to go there, but it’s not helpful to introduce the topic to them if they’re not already thinking about it. Viewing life as a series of mistakes or regretful events is painful and creates a spiral of negativity. But we can help people avoid that downward spiral and lessen their distress by asking better questions.

Listen and find meaning

People at the end of life generally benefit greatly from doing a life review and being able to tell their stories in a safe setting. The art of being a good listener includes helping them find meaning, connection and resolution through their own stories without judgment or shame. To truly help a person find peace at the end of life focus on forgiveness, gratitude for what life has offered, self-compassion and letting go of self-blame. But don’t ask about regrets unless you know you can lead them out of that dark place to a higher, more healing perspective.

EOLPodcast

Bonus Episode: The Little Moments of Grace – A Story

For this Thanksgiving holiday enjoy a brief story about Grace and how it meets us where we are!

Listen here:

The Little Moments of Grace

Featured Poem: Being Home by Gunilla Norris

Many times today I will cross over a threshold. 
I hope I will catch a few of those times.
I need to remember that my life is, in fact,
a continuous series of thresholds: 
from one moment to the next,
from one thought to the next,
from one action to the next.
Help me appreciate how awesome this is. 
How many are the chances to be really alive. 
Help me cross into the present moment – into wonder, into Your grace: 
the “now-place,” where we all are, unfolding moment by moment. 
EOLPodcast

Ep. 271 A Month of Gratitude to Bring Light to the Darkness

Learn how a gratitude practice can change your brain and your life for the better according to research.

In this solo episode I share some of the impressive research that has been conducted about the benefits of practicing gratitude on a regular basis. As we continue to face uncertainty, loss, grief, polarization, inequality and divisiveness in our society during this pandemic year we can all use a practice to bring positivity and light into our lives. For this month of November I’m challenging myself (and you) to practice gratitude intentionally every day to shift our energy toward goodness and light and help us better negotiate the challenging times ahead of us. I hope you’ll join me! Download and print the handout below:

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Why we need more gratitude in our lives right now
  • The emotional benefits of a gratitude practice according to research by the Greater Good Science Center
  • How gratitude improves our physical health and relationships
  • Gratitude is “the mother of all virtues” and helps us develop more patience, humility and wisdom
  • 4 factors of a gratitude practice
    • benefits accrue over time
    • benefits last
    • grateful thoughts and letters don’t have to be shared with others to have a positive effect
    • gratitude rewires the brain
  • 4 ways gratitude creates change
    • focuses us on the present moment
    • overrides negative emotions
    • increases resilience
    • increases our sense of self-worth
  • My 4-week gratitude challenge for November 2020 (download the handout above)

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • Subscribe to this podcast on AppleGoogleSpotifyiHeart RadioStitcher Radio
  • Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug“Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast, Grief, Spirituality

Ep. 267 Holding All the Joy and All the Sorrow

In this solo episode I share my thoughts on the fact that joy and sorrow are interwoven throughout our lives just as life and death are inextricable connected. Using stories and poetry I discuss how to carry both joy and sorrow without denying or repressing the pain of our personal and collective grief.

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How current events are requiring us to learn to hold joy and sorrow at once
  • Why we need a strong spiritual core as we go through life in 2020
  • How to strengthen our spiritual core:
    • Go deep within
    • Assessment the alignment between your inner values and outer behavior
    • Practice being in the present moment
    • Gratitude
    • Lovingkindness Blessing
  • Why we need to mourn our losses (personal and collective) on a daily basis and how to do it
  • The importance of “finding the good” within our pain and sorrow
  • Poems shared:
    • “Joy and Sorrow” by Kahlil Gibran
    • “Love Sorrow” by Mary Oliver
    • “In Lieu of Flowers” by Shawna Lemay

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • View the cover of my next book (The Journey from Ego to Soul) here
  • Subscribe to this podcast on AppleGoogleSpotifyiHeart RadioStitcher Radio
  • Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug“Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast, Spirituality

Ep. 260 How to be Resilient in Difficult Times with Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Learn how the lessons learned from patients at the end of life can help us navigate the challenges confronting us right now.

This episode features a conversation with Suzanne B. O’Brien RN, founder of the International Doulagivers Institute as we discuss the many lessons we have each learned from our work with patients at the end of life and how they have helped us grow spiritually. Both of us experienced a profound transformation in our lives because of the wisdom shared by our patients and now benefit from greater resilience that helps us navigate difficult times. As we all face unprecedented challenges due to the global pandemic and economic crisis, now is the right time for everyone to learn these lessons and find greater hope and joy in the small moments of life.

Learn about our upcoming workshop

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How Suzanne and I became inspired to create a workshop together
  • Why these lessons from the end of life are so important right now
  • How we each feel that our painful life experiences have been the key to spiritual growth
  • The recognition that we are all connected in consciousness
  • Life has a greater meaning than we realize
  • Why unconditional love is the only thing that really matters in life
  • How forgiveness deepens our ability to love but is not commonly taught
  • How our expanded consciousness can help us find our true purpose in life and live authentically
  • How spiritual growth inspires us to be of service to others

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • Get 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying here
  • Subscribe to this podcast on AppleGoogleSpotifyiHeart RadioStitcher Radio
  • Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug“Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest Patrons: Stine Relsted. Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast, Tragedy

Ep. 233 Fire and the Cycle of Life: Why Birth Always Follows Death

Learn a new perspective on devastation and destruction as part of the natural cycle of life.

In this solo episode I share reflections on the devastation caused by wildfires and what we can learn about the cycle of life from that destruction. The transformative power of fire is discussed and how we can utilize the “fires” of our lives to help us grow in love.

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What the Yellowstone National Park fire of 1988 teaches us about the cycle of life
  • The new birth that follows from destruction and death
  • How forests benefit from wildfire
  • A story about Kali, the Hindu goddess of death and destruction, but also of love
  • How the fire of Kali burns away what doesn’t serve us and transforms it to love
  • Recognizing that fires and death are an essential part of the cycle of life
  • Seeing the “big picture” when devastation occurs
  • New growth includes creativity, spontaneity, surprises and miracles
  • Finding gratitude for the cycle of life

Yellowstone is not an ending or a beginning.

It just goes on and on and on.

The difference is whether we choose to live

Seeing the wingspan of a heron glide through

The Burnt forest or not.”

from Shards of Yellowstone by Katya Williamson

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 179 How to Conquer Overwhelm as a Family Caregiver with Tandy Elisala

Learn how to cope with all of the ups and downs and challenges of being a caregiver for a loved one.

podcastelisala

My guest Tandy Elisala knows all about the stresses of being a family caregiver having cared for both of her parents while raising 3 children as a single mom. She is the host of the Empowered Family Caregiver Podcast, an author, speaker, and coach and she’ll share her best tips and advice with us today. Learn more at her website:

www.TandyElisala.com

The Complete Caregiver Respite Guide

Quick Start Guide to Conquering Overwhelm

healing-through-the-chaos-2641

Get the book here.

Listen here:

 

This interview includes:

  • The biggest challenges facing family caregivers
  • Owning up to the negative emotions facing caregivers
  • Why some caregivers have trouble asking for help
  • Advice for getting help from others
  • How to move past guilt for not being a “perfect” caregiver
  • What we can learn about being a care receiver
  • Tips for self-care
  • Resources for respite care

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on Patreon.com/eolu, especially E. Kiran for upping  your pledge!

EOLPodcast, Tragedy

Ep. 169 How to Find GRATITUDE in Times of Suffering

PodcastGratitude

 

 

phoenixToday, as we prepare to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday in the U.S. I share some thoughts about gratitude and how to practice it even when we are suffering. The image of a phoenix rising from the ashes is an especially poignant symbol as thousands of people struggle to recover from devastating fires in California. Sending much love this week to all who are dealing with trauma and tragedy as we sit down to offer thanks for our blessings.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Meet me at EndWell Symposium on December 6, 2018 in San Francisco! Get in touch with me (karen@karenwyattmd.com) if you’d like to connect during the symposium!

A HUGE THANK YOU to my latest patron on Patreon.com/eolu, Nancy Walker,  and to all of my contributorsYour support means everything to me and I am grateful that you are part of my work. Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu.

PatreonTY

FEATURE PRESENTATION:

The discussion includes:

  • The benefits of practicing gratitude (read studies at www.gratefulness.org.)
    • Improves relationships
    • Improves physical health
    • Increases wellbeing and happiness
    • Increases empathy and compassion
    • Decreases aggression
    • Improves sleep
    • Increases self-esteem
    • Increases resilience
  • Why the ego struggles with gratitude
  • The negativity bias of the brain
  • How to intentionally focus on the positive
  • Find the hidden gem or miracle within each difficulty
  • Why you only need a little gratitude to make a difference
  • How to keep a gratitude journal
  • The Gratitude Mantra

Wishing you and yours a blessed Thanksgiving with abundant reasons to be grateful this year!

Tune in next week for a brand new episode. If you enjoy this content please share it with others and leave a review on iTunes! (THANK YOU!!)

Until next week ….

Face Your Fear          BE Ready           Love Your Life

karen-signature

 

End of Life, EOLPodcast, Spirituality

Ep. 108 3 Keys to Living & Dying Consciously

Learn how to awaken to higher consciousness NOW so that you can experience conscious dying at the end of your life.

Podcast3Keys

Wyatt13_2In this episode I share the secret behind the 3-part tagline I use on the EOL University website and at the end of every podcast. (If you listen regularly you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about!) I discuss the wisdom behind the phrases I repeat each week and how they represent keys to our ongoing spiritual evolution!

Check out my author/speaker website here.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

IMG_0230My long-awaited trip to Italy begins tomorrow, the day after the original airing of this podcast! You can follow my journey on Instagram and Facebook as I hike, bike, eat, drink, pray, and write my way through the country–all in search of the perfect stories for my new book on grief! I’ve pre-recorded enough podcast episodes to last until I return in one month–“see” you then!

Patreonbecome2xI would like to send a HUGE THANK YOU to my latest supporter on Patreon.com/eolu: Rich Hayes, who is a hospice chaplain. Check out his website at www.richhayes.com and his book God Made Simple. If you would like to join the list of patrons go to Patreon.com/eolu to learn more and chip in $1 or $2 per month to support this podcast and the EOLU Interview Series. You’ll receive a thank-you on this podcast and I’ll also promote your end-of-life related book, website, cause or business. PLUS you’ll receive the monthly Hospice Happy Hour Q&A recordings!

FEATURED PRESENTATION:

3 Keys to Living & Dying Consciously

(Be sure to tune in to upcoming podcast episode #112 when I will feature an interview with philosopher and sage Ken Wilber about conscious dying and the death of his wife Treya. If you are interested in conscious dying you won’t want to miss it!)

In order to die consciously you must first begin to LIVE consciously right now. Here are my 3 tips for awakening to higher consciousness–they have been hiding all along in the simple tagline I use at the end of every podcast! Now you’ll find out what I mean when I remind you of them every week!

Face Your Fear

You must go through your fear in order to rise above it; the more you hide and run away from your fear of death (which is the ultimate fear) you run away from joy, as well. So begin to accept that Death is inevitable–everything in the Universe dies–and life is full of difficulties. Once you embrace that fact you can begin to work specifically on your fear of death and turn it into acceptance.

Follow these 6 steps to rise above your fear of death:

  1. Think about death every day. Include contemplation of death as part of your daily practice; get used to the idea that life is fleeting and you don’t know when it will come to an end.
  2. Read about death. Find books (e.g. What Really Matters) and stories that portray death and dying in a meaningful way to help you see that it is not necessarily something to fear. The dying process can be a beautiful time of healing for patients and families.
  3. Write about death. Use your journal to record your thoughts and emotions about death. Observe how they change over time as you continue this practice of increasing death-awareness. (The book The Tao of Death with its companion journal can be a helpful tool for reading and writing about death.)
  4. Learn about death. The more information you have about the end of life, the more your fears will lessen. Knowledge is one of the most powerful antidotes to fear. Tune in to the interviews on End-of-Life University for an ongoing education about all aspects of the end of life.
  5. Talk about death. Get comfortable including death and dying in your everyday conversations. You’ll find yourself better able to comfort friends and co-workers when they have experienced a loss and you’ll be helping others to tell their stories too.
  6. Work with death. Consider volunteering for hospice to learn how to sit with death and witness the dying process. Hospitals and nursing homes are also good places to volunteer to get closer to death and overcome your fear.

BE Ready

There is no substitute for preparation, no matter what you might face in the future. Once your fear has decreased begin to plan ahead for the end of life and imagine how you would like that experience to unfold. Here are some steps to help you get ready:

  1. Know what really matters to you. Spend some time thinking about what in your life is most important and prioritize those items. You need to know what you value in order to make tough decisions in the future.
  2. Make choices for what you want at the end of life. Use a tool like the Conversation Project Starter Kit to help you decide what type of healthcare you would like to receive in your last days.
  3. Complete your paperwork. You need to appoint a healthcare proxy and fill out an advance directive form in order to give your wishes some legal clout. But you also need to talk to your loved ones and your doctors about your wishes so they will know how to care for you if you can’t speak for yourself.
  4. Tend to your relationships. Learn how to forgive NOW so that you won’t be rushing to complete this important task while on your deathbed. Remember to say “I love you” to those who matter to you whenever you have an opportunity.
  5. Learn to BE in the present moment. Let go of ruminating about the past and worrying about the future–love and joy exist right here, right now in this present moment.

Love Your Life

Once you have learned to manage fear and to BE ready for anything that comes your way, you can begin to learn to love your life just as it is, even if you are surrounded by tragedy and pain. Here are some steps to consider:

  1. Live according to what really matters to you. Let you values guide your choices each day and put your time and energy into the things that are most important.
  2. Practice gratitude each day. Keep a journal and begin by writing down one thing you are grateful for each night before you go to sleep. Even in the worst of times you will be able to think of one thing to be thankful for–you just have to shift your mindset to a more positive focus.
  3. Learn to find love in every situation. After you have developed a gratitude practice you will begin to notice that love is actually present everywhere, in everything that happens. Start focusing on the love and you will find it more and more frequently.
  4. Allow love to fill you. You can become a channel for love to the rest of the world by simply letting love into your life in every possible way. Fill yourself with love so you can share it with others.

Life is an ongoing learning process! No lesson comes easily or without a certain amount of pain, but it’s worth it. If you begin conscious now and begin to live a life of love, then you will remain conscious when it becomes your time to die. You will continue to radiate beauty and joy to those around you–I’ve seen it happen over and over again!

Here are two books to help your learning process and your practice of death awareness:

WRM@flatcover                   Tao

Check them out on Amazon: What Really Matters        The Tao of Death

Keep tuning in each Monday for a new episode and if you enjoy this podcast please consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thank you!!

Until the next time, remember ….

Face Your Fear                                BE Ready                         Love Your Life

karen-signature