EOLPodcast

Ep. 383 The Good News of 2022 with Karen Wyatt

Learn some of the positive developments around end-of-life issues that took place in 2022.

This is the last episode of 2022 and I’m sharing some of the best “good news” stories I’ve seen this year about progress we’ve made around care at the end of life. Every month I curate end-of-life news stories for my supporters on Patreon and I’ve made note of some encouraging developments that I present to you today. Watch this on YouTube if you’d like to see slides or enjoy listening to the audio. Meanwhile, farewell to 2022 and best wishes for a Happy New Year!

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • The Lancet Commission on the Value of Death calls for a global paradigm shift on death and dying
  • NHPCO works to improve equity in death and dying and decrease racial disparities in care
  • Studies document inequities in end-of-life care
  • Plan to train community workers to do outreach in underserved areas
  • Recognizing the emotional and spiritual aspects of the dying process
  • Federal legislation to create a national strategy on grief and to expand advance care planning
  • Studies on caregiver stress and model for paying family caregivers
  • Best and worst places to die in the US
  • Studies on use of psychedelics to decrease anxiety at end of life
  • Virtual reality similar to psilocybin in reducing anxiety
  • “Death Tech” and media coverage of death both on the rise
  • Human composting now legal in 5 states

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu and to those who have made a donation through Paypal or bought me a coffee! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 369 Practical Tools for Home Caregivers with Barbara Karnes RN

Learn useful tips for caring for a dying loved one at home and how to be better prepared for the challenge.

My special return guest is Barbara Karnes RN, hospice nurse, author, thought leader, and expert on end-of-life care. Barbara is going to be a recurring guest from now on, joining the podcast every other month to talk about hospice care. Today we discuss practical tools that caregivers need in order to care for themselves and their loved ones at the end of life. Barbara has written a new guide for caregivers called By Your Side that offers a tremendous number of resources and practical tips and she’ll share many of them with us today. Learn more about Barbara’s work at her website:

www.bkbooks.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • The needs of caregivers are often overlooked by both hospital and hospice staffs
  • What caregivers need to know about food intake for patients at the end of life
  • The importance of keeping a written record of patient’s status throughout the day because it’s too hard to remember
  • The impact of sleep deprivation and fatigue on caregivers including lack of patience and flexibility
  • Why self-care for caregivers is essential and not selfish
  • How to set boundaries with a patient and why they are necessary
  • It’s not a failure to decide that home caregiving is too difficult
  • Why understanding the dying process is important for caregivers
  • How to find support in your community as a caregiver
  • How care of patients with dementia differs from other hospice patients
  • Basic information about pain management and symptom control

Links mentioned in this episode:

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If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest patron Donna Fleming, and to those who have bought me a coffee and made a donation through Paypal! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 349 Why My Family Chose Hospice with Kathleen Vallee Stein

Learn about the hospice experience from the perspective of a family member.

My guest Kathleen Vallee Stein worked for the California Department of Aging and has written numerous articles on caring for aging patents for more than twenty years. Her work has been published in the Christian Science Monitor, Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Daily News, Pasadena Star-News, Orange County Register, and the Jewish Journal. Recently she has written a book about her family’s experiences as her father faced the end of life called Loving Choices, Peaceful Passing: Why My Family Chose Hospice, and today she’ll share insights from that hospice journey with her father. Learn more at her website:

www.valleeview.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How her family made the decision to choose hospice for her father
  • The challenges of having conversations about hospice with a loved one at the end of life
  • How the family had to bring up hospice with the doctor initially but he was helpful after that point
  • The relief experienced by the entire family and the patient once they made the decision to stop curative treatment and to enroll in hospice
  • Negative misperceptions about hospice are an obstacle to early admission
  • How her father’s temperament changed for the better after going on hospice
  • Why Kathleen hired in-home professional caregivers even though her parents were initially opposed to it
  • How they managed their parents’ financial issues as a family
  • Dealing with old family conflicts that arise at the end of life
  • How the hospice chaplain made a big difference for her father
  • The many positive surprises that arose during her father’s end of life
  • How they planned the funeral and made decisions about disposition
  • How she and her mother grew closer through the challenges of caring for her father at the end of life
  • Advice to those considering hospice for a loved one
  • Hope and “precious time” with her father in his last days

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 347 The Global Palliative Care Movement with Katherine Pettus

Learn about the status of palliative care in developing nations around the world and how IAHPC is working to increase global access.

My guest Katherine Pettus is the Senior Advocacy Director for The International Association for Hospice and Palliative Care. In this role she meets with delegates at the United Nations to increase the understanding of palliative care and to advocate for improved availability of opioids for patients needing pain relief. She is the author of Global Palliative Care: Reports from the Peripheries, which describes her visits to communities around the world to witness firsthand their utilization of palliative care. Learn more about the work of IAHPC at the website:

www.hospicecare.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Why 80% of the world’s population has no access to morphine
  • How Hospice Africa Uganda is utilizing powdered morphine for pain relief and also allows nurses to prescribe it in the field
  • Why palliative care teams are good at “sideways thinking” to solve problems that arrive in the moment
  • How caregiving is a crisis everywhere in the world right now (except Costa Rica that provides support for family caregivers)
  • Why the extended family is becoming a myth in developing nations
  • What is the “health poverty trap” and how lack of access to palliative care contributes to it
  • How the Western model of medicalized death is spreading to developing nations
  • Expanding palliative care helps medical systems and medical providers as well
  • How a “palliative care peace corps” could transform society
  • How COVID has affected the global palliative care movement

Palliative Care transforms everyone who participates in it.” 

Katherine Pettus in Global Palliative Care: Reports from the Peripheries

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 344 Tools for Caregivers to Manage Stress and Increase Joy with Roger Moore

Learn some quick and easy stress management tools to improve health and joy during challenging times.

My guest Roger Moore is a certified hypnotherapist who helps people at the end of life with anxiety, depression, pain and other symptoms. His latest book Becoming the Greatest Expression of You contains tips and practices for overcoming the shame and fear of the past to live life more joyfully now. He discusses how these stress-reducing practices might help caregivers stay healthier as they offer care and support to their loved ones. These suggestions are also perfect for all of us as we navigate the stresses of life. Learn more at Roger’s websites:

www.palmdeserthypnosis.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How we can rewire the brain even until the moment we die
  • How to experience joy even during times of pain and difficulty
  • When we are able to recognize the presence of stress in our bodies we can more easily shift out of it into a state of joy
  • How laughter can change an entire day
  • Using a practice of “mental rehearsal” to envision things going well instead of badly
  • How caregivers can learn to ask for help from others
  • Simple tips for using meditation to help with stress
  • The importance of practicing gratitude every day
  • How to use self-forgiveness to move past blame and shame when things go wrong

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 340 Caregiver Crisis: Meeting the Needs of the Future with Jessica Zitter MD

Learn about the current crisis in family caregiving and what you can do to help.

My guest Dr. Jessica Zitter is a specialist in Critical Care and Palliative Care medicine and the author of the book Extreme Measures: Finding a Better Path to the End of Life. Her work is featured in the documentary Extremis as well as her new film, Caregiver: A Love Story. Today she discusses the current crisis situation for family caregivers who are drastically overworked with little support. This is one of the most important topics we can address for the future! Learn more at these websites:

www.jessicazitter.com

www.caregiveralovestory.com

Read the transcript here. Watch video on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What inspired Jessica to create Caregiver: A Love Story
  • How film is a compelling medium for encouraging people to change their behavior
  • How medical providers are often unaware of the stresses facing family caregivers
  • More people are now dying at home than in the hospital which means there is huge need for caregivers
  • 1 out of 5 Americans is caring for a loved one at home
  • The burden experienced by caregivers is physical, mental and financial
  • We need a workplace culture that supports caregivers
  • Family caregivers are providing billions of dollars of unpaid work for an average of 4.5 years
  • Hospitals and doctors are doing a poor job of preparing caregivers for the tasks they will face – The Care Act requires them to provide education (but it’s not happening)
  • Hospice staffs are also burdened by the caregiver crisis
  • We also need to build up and support professional paid caregivers

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 339 Feng Shui for Hospice Patients with Char Tarashanti

Learn how paying attention to the small details of the surroundings can make a big difference in the wellbeing of hospice patients.

My guest Char Tarashanti is a retired Hospice Chaplain and Certified Feng Shui Consultant. She shares how the principles of Feng Shui can be applied to the care of hospice patients and improve the physical environment as well as the harmony and balance of the space. Her practical suggestions make it simple for any of us to create more pleasing and appealing surroundings for people at the end of life. Download her handout here:

Handout

Read Transcript

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What is Feng Shui
  • How death is viewed within the Feng Shui tradition
  • How Char became interested in Feng Shui and in hospice work
  • The benefits for patient and caregiver of creating a more harmonious space
  • The essential elements of Feng Shui and how to apply them to a hospice room
  • How to manage clutter and get better organized in a home hospice setting
  • The two most important features of Feng Shui for hospice patients
  • How caregivers should communicate about any changes being made in the home before beginning the process

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my new patrons Aby Fy and Anne Janssen and to Richard Schneider for increasing your monthly pledge! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 337 The Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A Caregiver’s Journal with Jennifer O’Brien

Learn about a beautiful, artistic journal that explores the caregiver’s journey through dying and grief.

My guest this week is Jennifer O’Brien, author of the creative, gorgeous journal: The Hospice Doctor’s Widow. She discusses her journey as she cared for her husband who was a hospice and palliative care physician diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. We talk about grief and loss and caregiving in this intimate conversation. Learn more at her website:

www.hospicedrswidow.com

Get the book here

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Why this book is ideal for caregivers and people dealing with grief
  • How Jennifer created the art for the book
  • How Jennifer incorporated her husband’s wisdom into the book
  • What is “Precious Time” and how did that inform the way she and Bob spent his last days of life together
  • Navigating anticipatory grief for caregivers
  • Why the patient and the caregiver are going through two different processes
  • Why the survivors’ journey can be more difficult than the patient’s journey
  • What is the Triad of Certainty
  • Advice for caregivers
  • The At Peace Toolkit – A Guide to Being at Peace with End of Life

‘Precious Time’ is when you say what you need to say and don’t say what you will later regret.”

from The Hospice Doctor’s Widow by Jennifer O’Brien
  • A Year of Reading Dangerously – Register here
  • Get the At Peace Toolkit from Jennifer here

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my new patrons G. Thackrey and Mary Susan Graham! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 293 When Your Aging Parent Needs Help: A Step by Step Guide with Leslie Kernisan MD

Learn about a helpful guidebook for people caring for elderly parents that addresses all the major challenges.

My guest Dr. Leslie Kernisan is a practicing geriatrician and the founder of the popular aging health website and podcast Better Health While Aging. She recently published the book When Your Aging Parent Needs Help to answer the many questions she has received from people struggling to care for their elderly parents. She shares many of the helpful tools and resources included in the book for dealing with our most pressing issues when we become involved in providing care to our older loved ones. Learn more at her website:

www.betterhealthwhileaging.net

Get the book here

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Why good communication skills are important in caring for our parents
  • How to approach a challenging subject (e.g. the COVID vaccine) with reluctant elders
  • Remembering to respect what matters to our elders (your goals vs your parents’ goals)
  • What to say when the conversation hasn’t gone well
  • How to negotiate doctor visits with your parents: what to bring, what to ask
  • Self-care tips for caregivers feeling the strain of dealing with parents
  • When to let go and accept things as they are instead of trying to be perfect caregivers
  • What to do if parents become paranoid and blame you for things
  • Steps and tips to slow brain health decline due to Alzheimer’s

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 275 Training Caregivers to Meet the Needs of a Loved One with Roz Jones

Learn how and why we need to train many more family and paid caregivers to meet the needs of our aging population, especially during COVID-19.

My guest Roz Jones is the founder of Jacksonville’s Best Caregivers, an organization in Jacksonville FL that provides short and long term caregivers for facilities and families. She is also an author, speaker, crisis counselor and caregiver coach who trains new caregivers and their family members to offer care at home to their ill loved ones. Learn more about her work at her website:

www.thecaregivercafe.net

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Top 6 things brand new caregivers need to learn before they start caring for a loved one
  • How caregiving has changed during COVID-19
  • What precautions family caregivers should take to keep their loved one safe from COVID-19
  • Why setting clear boundaries is one of the most important tips for caregivers to avoid burnout
  • How to have productive conversations with ill loved ones about difficult subjects like advance directives, financial issues, loss of independence, end of life
  • Why “Loneliness Kills” the elderly, how COVID-19 has made it worse, and how to help
  • Self-care tips for caregivers
  • How to train with Roz to be a well-informed and effective family caregiver

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • Subscribe to this podcast on AppleGoogleSpotifyiHeart RadioStitcher Radio
  • Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug“Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest supporter Jaime Byrne and renewing supporter Nancy Walker! Your contributions make all the difference!

End of Life, EOLPodcast, Spirituality

Ep. 238 A Death Lived: A Doctor’s Memoir of Her Husband’s End of Life with Martha Calihan MD

A doctor learns about death by caring for her husband at the end of his life.

My guest Dr. Martha Calihan has been a practicing physician for over 30 years but she didn’t learn about the end of life until she became a caregiver for her ill husband. She shares how she navigated those challenging days and how being a caregiver made her a better doctor. She is the author of A Death Lived – a memoir of her end-of-life journey with her husband Charles. Learn more at her website:

www.fivestoneswellness.com

Get the book here.

Listen here:

A Death Lived with Martha Calihan MD

This episode includes:

  • How an Integrative medical provider differs from a conventionally-trained physician
  • The challenges of playing dual roles of wife and physician
  • What doctors can do better to help patients and families navigate the end of life
  • Making medical decisions when the patient’s health status is constantly changing
  • The freedom that comes from “speaking the unspeakable”
  • One valuable question doctors need to ask caregivers: “If you come home and [your loved one] is unresponsive, do you know what you would do?”
  • Tips for having the “death talk” with loved ones
  • How to decide when it’s time to say no to medical interventions
  • The gift of Near Death Awareness and how it helps with fear and grief

It’s more beautiful than you could ever imagine.

Charles’ last words – from “A Death Lived”

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • Pre-order 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying here
  • Libby app
  • Dr. Calihan’s book: A Death Lived
  • Five Wishes document
  • Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug“Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest Patrons:  Molly Oldfield and Lisa Rivera. Your contributions make all the difference!

End of Life, EOLPodcast, Spirituality

Ep. 214 Present Through the End: Spiritual Care of the Dying with Kirsten DeLeo

Learn why being present for others is actually a perfect self-care practice.

PodcastDeLeo19

My return guest Kirsten DeLeo is an international trainer with the Spiritual Care Program and teaches about contemplative caregiving. She is the author of the newly-released book Present through the End and will discuss how and why we should strengthen our own ability to be present with others as part of our spiritual care of the dying. Learn more at Kirsten’s website:

www.kirstendeleo.com

presentthroughtheend

Get the book here.

Listen here.

 

This episode includes:

  • Dying is a spiritual process more than it is a medical process
  • How to prepare to become a caregiver for someone else
  • How to increase our own ability to be present with another
    • Slow down
    • Be mindful of our own breathing and physical presence
    • Be mindful of our thoughts and feeling
    • Listen without thinking of what to say next
    • Focus on heart-centeredness
  • Caring for ourselves and caring for another are not separate
  • Being present with another person for even a few moments nurtures us and helps alleviate our stress
  • Examples of questions to ask as conversation openers
  • Signs that death is drawing near

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on Patreon.com/eolu, your contributions mean  everything to me!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 184 Caring for a Loved One with Dementia with Kathy Flora

Learn some helpful advice for being a caregiver for a patient with dementia.

PodcastFlora

Today I talk with Kathy Flora who has served as her mother’s caregiver as she has journeyed through dementia. Kathy shares her wisdom and advice for those who find themselves in a similar role with a parent or other loved one. She is the author of the book “Walking My Momma Home: Finding Love, Grace, and Acceptance Through the Labyrinth of Dementia.” Learn more at Kathy’s website:

www.kathyflora.com

WalkingMomma

Get the book here.

Listen here.

 

ANNOUNCEMENT:

PatreonMugShotNOW! You can get this mug designed exclusively for Patrons of this podcast on Patreon.com/eolu!

“Mind if we talk about death?”

Join our team and you’ll be eligible to purchase the mug!

Support EOLU by signing up today and receive additional special bonuses!

This interview with Kathy Flora includes:

  • How to recognize when an elderly loved one is declining if you live far away
  • How to talk to a loved one about necessary life changes such as giving up driving, managing finances, and living independently
  • The difference between an independent living facility and assisted living
  • How to deal with role reversal as our parents age
  • The “long goodbye of dementia” and coping with anticipatory grief
  • Who should be on a caregiver’s “essential team”
  • How to maintain relationships and communication with siblings who live at a distance
  • The hidden blessings from caring for a loved one with dementia

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on Patreon.com/eolu, especially my new patron Kate Riley!

 

EOLPodcast

Ep. 179 How to Conquer Overwhelm as a Family Caregiver with Tandy Elisala

Learn how to cope with all of the ups and downs and challenges of being a caregiver for a loved one.

podcastelisala

My guest Tandy Elisala knows all about the stresses of being a family caregiver having cared for both of her parents while raising 3 children as a single mom. She is the host of the Empowered Family Caregiver Podcast, an author, speaker, and coach and she’ll share her best tips and advice with us today. Learn more at her website:

www.TandyElisala.com

The Complete Caregiver Respite Guide

Quick Start Guide to Conquering Overwhelm

healing-through-the-chaos-2641

Get the book here.

Listen here:

 

This interview includes:

  • The biggest challenges facing family caregivers
  • Owning up to the negative emotions facing caregivers
  • Why some caregivers have trouble asking for help
  • Advice for getting help from others
  • How to move past guilt for not being a “perfect” caregiver
  • What we can learn about being a care receiver
  • Tips for self-care
  • Resources for respite care

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on Patreon.com/eolu, especially E. Kiran for upping  your pledge!

End of Life, EOLPodcast

Ep. 157 “Journey’s End”: Stories for Everyone About Death with Julie Saeger Nierenberg and Victoria Brewster

Learn about a helpful book of stories dealing with death, dying and the end of life and how you can contribute your own story to the next book in the series.

PodcastJulieVikki

 

 

julievikkicollage

In this episode I present my conversation with the co-editors and co-curators of the book Journey’s End: Death, Dying, and the End of Life – Julie Saeger Nierenberg and Victoria Brewster

Learn more about the book at journeysendbooks.com

ANNOUNCEMENTS: 

SpCare-AuthPresence-EoL-UnivThis episode is sponsored by Authentic Presence training for healthcare providers from the Spiritual Care Program.  You can receive a certificate in contemplative end-of-life care by completing this series of three courses, including an 8-day residential immersion retreat. Highly recommended!

Learn more here.

 

FEATURE PRESENTATION:
Today Julie Saeger Nierenberg and Victoria Brewster join me to talk about their book journeysendcoverJourney’s End: Death, Dying, and the End of Life, which is a compilation of quotes, stories and resources that look at death from various perspectives. In our conversation we discuss:

  • How Julie and Vikki ended up collaborating on this book
  • How the stories in the book are organized:
    • Personal Stories of Professionals and Lay People
    • Professional Support and Caregiving Perspectives
    • Funeral Home, Post-Death and Alternative Burial
    • Grief and Bereavement
  • How they chose the contributors for the book
  • The feedback they’ve received from readers
  • How this book of stories can be useful in many settings for both professionals and lay people
  • How to submit a story for the next book in the series which will feature various cultural, ethnic and religious perspectives on death and dying

Read more about the book here.

Get the book here!

Tune in every Monday for a new episode! If you enjoy this content please share it with others  and consider leaving a review on iTunes!

Until next week:

Face Your Fear            BE Ready           Love Your Life

karen-signature

 

 

End of Life, EOLPodcast

Ep. 156 How to Talk to Strangers About Death & Dying

Learn some tips for starting important conversations about death with people you are meeting for the first time!

PodcastStrangers

 

IMG_4043In this episode I’ll share with you some stories about my recent yoga retreat and the many amazing conversations I was able to have with strangers about death and dying. I’ve got a few tips for you about starting up your own conversations about death with random strangers. (Here’s a photo from a sunrise hike I took during the retreat!)

 

Links to articles mentioned in this episode:

Tips for Talking With Your Loved Ones About the End of Life

How to Have Everyday Conversations About Death and Dying

How to Talk to Your Healthcare Provider About Your End-of-Life Wishes 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

You can still sign up for A Year of Reading Dangerously online reading group and read one book each month about death, dying and the afterlife. Click here to learn more.

HealingChantsAlbumThis episode is sponsored by the album Healing Chants by Gia! You’ll love Gia’s angelic voice and ethereal music for meditation and relaxation. (Full disclosure: Gia is my daughter!)

You can listen to samples and purchase the album here.

Stay tuned to the end of the podcast as I’ll play her song Evocation as the Outro today!

A HUGE THANK YOU to my latest supporter on Patreon.com/eolu: Karen Van Hoof! I appreciate your support very much. Thanks also to all of the other patrons – sign up and join the team for as little as $1 per month at Patreon.com/eolu!

FEATURE PRESENTATION:

Today I’ll tell you about my recent 5-day retreat at a yoga center where I went to relax, do yoga and finish revising one of my books. While I was there I had the pleasure of talking with many other visitors to the retreat center about death and dying, which was fascinating. Normally I don’t find many people out in the general public who want to talk about death. And while the people I conversed with weren’t necessarily interested in death before our discussion they each seemed to come away with a new understanding or sense of peace.

In order to confront our society’s fear of death we need many more conversations like this to happen every day with people who are not already tuned in to death awareness.

Each of us needs to step up and reach out to others to start a dialogue about death that might prove very helpful to our conversation partner and very informative for us.

Here are my tips for talking with strangers about death and dying:

  1. Choose the right time and place: my conversations generally took place at the table while I was sharing a meal with various strangers. Breaking bread together creates an automatic sense of connection and safety since we usually associate mealtimes with positive feelings. There is also often some free time between courses where conversation can happen naturally. It may also work well to talk about death during other shared activities like hiking, gardening or cooking. Watch for the right opportunity to arise.
  2. Find common ground first: make sure you have established a basic connection by talking about the meal (or the garden, or the hike, etc.) Since my conversation partners were also there for yoga classes we had an automatic common subject to begin chatting about while we established a connection.
  3. Perfect your “elevator speech” which is a very brief story you tell whenever someone asks “What do you do?” The idea is that your answer is so brief you can complete it during a short elevator ride from one floor to the next. So think of one or two sentences you can use to answer that question and give another person an idea of your work. My answer at the yoga retreat was: “I’m a retired hospice physician who now writes books.” Tell them enough to garner their interest and curiosity and lead naturally to more questions. I purposely avoided mentioning death and dying in my initial introduction so that I wouldn’t frighten anyone away before we even got started. But most individuals I encountered were intrigued and asked more either about the hospice work or about the books I’m writing. Both of those questions led directly to a talk about death and dying. On several occasions the other person immediately brought up a story of a loved one or friend on hospice. Many times it was a story that desperately needed to be told and also came with questions about death, dying and hospice. I was amazed by the quality of conversation that occurred in these instances and the need for accurate information. I’m convinced that many people out there really do need to talk about death and dying but rarely encounter anyone they can speak to, which is where you come in!
  4. Hone your listening skills: for these conversations focus on listening rather than telling your own story. Watch for cues from the other person that there is a need to say something and encourage them to talk by asking a question or two and stopping to listen attentively. We are all passionate about our work and other endeavors and there will be opportunities to share that at some point in the future. Initially it’s more important to just listen and hold space so that the other person can ask questions and get the support they need. Rely on your intuition to tell you when that person is ready for a little nudge or encouragement to go deeper into their feelings.
  5. Share just enough information: again it is important to be a good listener so when you do describe your work don’t go overboard. Use simple and accurate terms to convey what you do but pause and allow the other person to ask for the information they need.

As you’ll hear when you listen to this episode I was able to have meaningful conversations with different people every day while I was at the retreat. These are some of the most important discussions we can be having right now so take a chance and strike up a conversation with a stranger about death and dying!

There will be a new episode every Monday so be sure to tune in again! And if you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes.

Until next time …

Face Your Fear            BE Ready              Love Your Life 

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End of Life, EOLPodcast

Ep. 152 Many Ways to be of Service to the Dying

 

PodcastServicehands

wrmflatcoverIn this episode I share some thoughts about how to get involved in the end-of-life movement if you have recently become interested in death and dying. You’ll hear about my best ideas for contributing to change in the way people die and offering your service to others.

Check out my book to read stories about hospice patients I cared for.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

SpCare-AuthPresence-EoL-UnivWelcome to our new sponsor: Authentic Presence Training from the Spiritual Care Program.  Authentic Presence brings together practical contemplative resources with the knowledge and skills of modern hospice and palliative care. Suitable for professionals from all faith traditions or none, the course draws its inspiration particularly from Buddhist contemplative practice, the acclaimed classic The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, the work of the Dalai Lama, as well as contemplative neuroscience. Learn more here.

Thank you also to our new supporter on Patreon.com/eolu: Althea Halchuk! I’m deeply appreciative of your contribution to help keep this podcast and the EOL University Interview Series on the air! Go to Patreon.com/eolu to learn more and sign up.

obrienwebinarJoin me and my guest Suzanne O’Brien RN for a free webinar: “EOL Doula Training for Caregivers and Volunteers” on Tuesday July 24th at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern. Register here and you’ll receive the replay if you can’t attend live.

 

FEATURE PRESENTATION:

Learn about these opportunities to be of service to the dying in many different capacities:

  • Work as a professional in hospice or palliative care (call your local hospice/palliative care program to see if you have the credentials needed and to learn about any training offered):
    • physician
    • nurse
    • nurse practitioner
    • nursing assistant
    • social worker
    • chaplain
  • Become a volunteer – for those with no medical training:
    • Hospice volunteers are always needed (call your local hospice for more information)
    • No One Dies Alone – a program to ensure that each dying patient in the hospital has companionship if desired at the end of life. Listen to my interview here and learn more about NODA here.
    • Threshold Choir – for those who love to sing; offer support and inspiration to the dying and their families through vocal music. Listen to my interview here and learn more about Threshold Choir here.
    • Twilight Brigade – to provide end-of-life support to veterans. Learn more here.
    • Pet Therapy for Hospice Patients – if you have a special pet and would like to receive training to provide visits to patients. Learn more in this interview.
    • Seek out other opportunities in your community like Meals on Wheels, hospital or nursing home volunteer programs, church-related visitation programs
  • Become an End-of-Life Doula – check out the training mentioned above with Suzanne O’Brien and find out if this work is a good fit for you. Learn more here.
  • Start a caregiver training program – the need for in-home caregivers is going to increase dramatically over the next decade. Consider becoming a caregiver trainer to help your community meet this need.
  • Teach a death education class – there is currently a great need for education about Slide01death and dying in our society. Consider teaching your own class or workshop to provide information to others in your community. Get the Teaching Guidelines for a Death & Dying Class here.

 

 

  • Create a Community Event to inspire people to learn more about the end of life:
    • Film series – listen to ideas here
    • Book club – read about A Year of Reading Dangerously online reading group here
    • Death Cafe – learn more here
    • Speaker series
  • Start a Social Model Hospice – to provide non-medical residential support and caregiving for those who are without a proper home at the end of life. Listen to the interview here.

Whatever inspires you I hope you will gather your courage and take the next step to get involved in the end-of-life movement. Your help is needed!

There will be a new episode next Monday. If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thank you for your interest and support!

Until next time:

Face Your Fear            BE Ready             Love Your Life

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End of Life, EOLPodcast, Spirituality

Ep. 142 It’s Complicated: Mother-Daughter Relationships at the End of Life with Kate Riley

Learn how mothers and daughters cope with their changing roles as the end of life nears.

PodcastRiley

KateRileyIn this episode I share an interview with Kate Riley, author and death midwife, about our own relationships with our mothers and how they changed as we provided care to them at the end of life.  Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers out there listening!

Learn more about Kate’s work here.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Thank you to my latest sponsor on Patreon.com/eolu: Marilyn Stoner. Thank you for support and thanks to all of my patrons – I appreciate your generosity very much!!

This episode is brought to you by my course Get Over it For Good: Healing the Hidden Wounds of Childhood. Learn to get over events from the past that keep you stuck and unable to grow. This is a self-study course that helps you identify your hidden wounds and discover the wisdom you can gain from them. Platinum supporters on Patreon.com/eolu will receive a 30% discount on the course! Learn more about the course here.

FEATURE PRESENTATION:

My guest Kate Riley and I discuss the joys and challenges of daughters who care for their mothers at the end of life. Kate was the caregiver for her mother during the last 9 months of her life and shares her insights about that process.

In this interview you will learn:

  • The ups and downs of the caregiver journey
  • The benefits of presence at the end of life
  • How meditation helps with preparation for death
  • Death has its own mysterious timing
  • The pain of letting go of our mothers and being let go of by them
  • How caregiving helps us heal our relationships
  • Advice for daughters caring for their mothers

Kate Riley is a certified death midwife, minister, international story consultant, author and educator. She began private practice in compassionate end-of-life care after completing hospice training in the late 1980s. She serves as a liaison for individuals facing end-of-life decisions, working with their families and medical teams in providing a more person-centered approach. She encourages and supports those who want to take a conscious, active role in their own dying process. She is the author of The Green Velvet Journals and Launching Vee’s Chariot: An End-of-Life Tale. Kate lives in the Wood River Valley of Idaho—a great place to find balance in all of life’s stages. Her advanced training includes death midwife/doula certification through Final Passages and current enrollment in the California State University Palliative Care Chaplaincy program.

Remember to tune in every Monday for a new episode! If you enjoy this content please consider leaving a review on iTunes. Until next week:

Face Your Fear         BE Ready         Love Your Life

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End of Life, EOLPodcast, Grief, Hospice, Spirituality

Ep. 112 Grace and Grit: Conscious Love & Conscious Dying with Ken Wilber

Learn how Treya Wilber’s spiritual practice helped her transcend fear and die consciously as told in Ken Wilber’s book Grace and Grit.

PodcastWilber

wilber2EdIn this episode I share a powerful and heartfelt interview with Ken Wilber where we discuss the subject of “Conscious Dying” and how the life and death of his wife Treya so beautifully teach us to live and die consciously, as told in the book Grace and Grit.

Website: kenwilber.com

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

IMG_0371I’m still in Italy as this broadcast airs but will be returning to Colorado in a few days. Check out the photos from my last days of travel on Instagram and Facebook!

Hopefully I’ve made progress on my new book, too!

Patreonbecome2xAs always this podcast is made possible through your generous donations at Patreon.com/eolu. Thank you so much to those of you who have been chipping in every month to help defray the costs of producing and broadcasting this podcast and the End-of-Life University Interview Series! Go to Patreon.com/eolu to become a patron!

FEATURED PRESENTATION:

Whether or not death and dying are issues that concern you at this time in your life, you will find value in listening to Ken’s discussion of this important subject. Each of us must come to terms with our mortality in the physical realm and be prepared for an unknown future. Each of us also must face losing those we deeply love, and caring for them through illness and adversity.

We can learn from Ken and Treya’s experiences how to love totally and consciously during our lifetimes – and how to let go of that love and life itself when that time arrives for us.

This interview will cover:

  • The meaning of “conscious dying” from a spiritual perspective
  • Ken’s caregiver journey and how it became his spiritual path
  • How Ken and Treya “carried one another’s pain” during the course of her illness and dying process
  • The Buddhist practice of tonglen and why it was important to Treya
  • How the term “passionate equanimity” describes Treya’s approach to living and dying

Ken Wilber is a philosopher, sage, author and integral theorist who has been called “the Einstein of Consciousness.” He is:

  • The most translated writer on consciousness studies in the United States
  • Author of 22 books on spirituality and science –
    • A Theory of Everything
    • A Brief History of Everything
    • Sex, Ecology and Spirituality
    • The Integral Vision
  • Creator of Integral Theory – a model for organizing different perspectives of life and consciousness

His book Grace and Grit chronicles the life and death of his second wife Treya Killam Wilber.

Get Grace and Grit on Amazon.

I hope you enjoyed this interview and have been inspired to take up your own spiritual practice to help you live with “passionate equanimity.”

There will be a new episode every Monday so come back again and learn with me! If you like this content please leave a review on iTunes.

Until next week…

Face Your Fears.                     BE Ready.                        Love Your Life.

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End of Life, EOLPodcast, Grief, Uncategorized

Ep. 96 A Caregiver’s Letter to His Dying Wife with Joe DiNardo

Learn how this caregiver coped with his wife’s illness and rose above grief to experience unconditional love.

PodcastDinardo

JoeDiNardosmallIn this episode I share an interview with Joe DiNardo who talks about his book A Letter to My Wife and discusses how his long-term practice of mindfulness meditation helped him cope with being a caregiver and grieving his wife’s death.

www.alettertomywife.org

Thank you to all of my supporters on Patreon.com/eolu who have helped keep this podcast on the air! We just had our first “Hospice Happy Hour” hangout last week and it was a great success.

Patreonbecome2xIf you are interested in joining the hangouts or in having me promote your website, book, product, organization, or cause on this podcast, sign up to contribute just $1 or $2 per month and become a patron – Patreon.com/eolu!

My guest this week is Joe DiNardo, an attorney from Buffalo NY, who served as a caregiver for his wife Marcia during her cancer diagnosis, treatment and eventual death. As a long-term practitioner of Vipassana meditation, Joe found that his mindfulness meditation practice helped him through the difficult challenges of caregiving and grief and he has much wisdom to share with us from the perspective of a family caregiver.

DinardobookcoversmJoe is also the author of the newly released book A Letter to My Wife, which follows his journey with late wife Marcia, from cancer diagnosis through death. The website states that “His practice of mindfulness is explored throughout this heartfelt dedication and serves as the foundation for his recommendations on coping with loss and healing. His story, which includes both practical advice and profound wisdom, is a real-life example of how powerful and guiding meditation can be during life’s painful and challenging chapters. ”

In this interview you will learn:

  • What Joe learned about being a caregiver from accompanying Marcia through illness
  • His best advice for other family caregivers
  • How he discovered the practice of meditation and began to apply it to his life
  • How mindfulness meditation helped him on a daily basis during Marcia’s illness and throughout his own grief process

You can purchase A Letter to My Wife at Amazon.com: Get the book here!

Tune in next week when we will learn how to start a meditation practice with my guest Gia George who is a yoga and meditation teacher, singer-songwriter, and my daughter!

Until then remember:

Face Your Fears.                    BE Ready.                   Love Your Life.

Love,

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