EOLPodcast

Ep. 422 Practices to Prepare for the End of Life with Patt Lind-Kyle

Learn how meditation practice can help decrease the fear of death and prepare you for a peaceful end of life.


My guest Patt LInd-Kyle is an authority on mindulness meditation, chakras, and the Enneagram who will share practices for addressing the fear of death. She is the author of 4 science and spirituality books including her latest Embracing the End of Life, A Journey into Dying and Awakening and Heal Your Mind, Rewire Your Brain. Patt is also a thought leader on how the mind and brain work together to arrive at a sense of who we are. She has studied the dying process in preparation for her own death and has become a leading authority on death and dying consciously. Patt has produced a series of guided meditations to accompany her Embracing the End of Life and Heal Your Mind, Rewire Your Brain books. Learn more at her website:

www.Pattlindkyle.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Why it is important to face the fear of death
  • The benefits of meditation for confronting the end of life
  • How to start a meditation practice
  • How to let go of the need to control death 
  • How facing death helps us live life more fully

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu and to those who’ve bought me a coffee! Also many thanks to all of you who joined the $10 for 10 Years Campaign! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 421 Caring for Veterans Through the End of Life with Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar

Learn about a groundbreaking new educational series about end-of-life care for veterans and their loved ones.

My return guest this week is Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar, an Army veteran, end-of-life doula, educator and the founder of In Their Honor, LLC, an organization dedicated to re-imagining end-of-life care for veterans and their families. Qwynn recently collaborated with PsychArmor Institute to launch Course 1 of the “Caring for Veterans Through the End of Life Series,” which provides online education for veterans, their loved ones, caregivers and healthcare providers around compassionate end-of-life care for veterans. She’ll discuss her own journey to realizing this goal and why this series is a game-changer. Learn more about Qwynn’s work and the course at these websites:

www.intheirhonor.info

www.psycharmor.org

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What inspired Qwynn to create this course
  • Her remarkable 2 year journey to realize this goal
  • Why some of the issues facing veterans at the end of life and unique and need to be recognized
  • Who can benefit from this free course
  • Why end-of-life education is important for veterans and their loved ones
  • Why healthcare providers in all specialties could use additional training in working with veterans in a compassionate manner
  • The importance of developing “compassionate communities” for everyone

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu and my newest donors on PayPal Kimberly James and Gaja Andzel! Also many thanks to Ann Hyland for buying me coffee! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 420 Providing Comfort During the Last Days of Life with Barbara Karnes RN

Learn useful tips for helping patients and loved ones be more comfortable at the very end of life – small changes can make a big difference.

This week I welcome back my recurring guest Barbara Karnes RN, hospice nurse, author, speaker, thought leader and expert on end-of-life care. She is the author of ‘the little blue hospice book,” Gone from My Sight and the recently published By Your Side: A Guide for Caring for the Dying at Home. We discuss tips for caregivers to provide comfort to patients during the last days and hours of life when they may not be able to communicate their needs. There are dozens of “little things” that can make a big difference in the comfort level of our loved ones and patients and you’ll learn about them in this conversation. Learn more about Barbara’s work and books at her website:

www.bkbooks.com

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Why grooming and hygiene matter for patients all the way through the end of life
  • Tips for good mouth and lip care
  • Preserving patient dignity by honoring their routines
  • Preventing skin breakdown
  • Importance of positioning and turning patients for maximum comfort
  • Dealing with breathing issues and “death rattle”
  • An alternative to adult diapers
  • Options for administering medications sublingually, rectally or as a skin cream

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donor Michelle Sandner and to  Amrita for buying me a coffee! Also many thanks to all of you who joined the $10 for 10 Years Campaign! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 419 Humane Prison Hospice Project with Lisa Deal RN and Fernando Murillo

Learn about a remarkable program that trains incarcerated people in palliative and hospice care skills so they can provide care for their peers in correctional facilities.

My two special guests this week work with the Humane Prison Hospice Project: Lisa Deal is the Executive Director, who previously worked for Mission Hospice and Home Care in California. Fernando Murillo is the Program Manager for the Palliative Care Initiative at the Humane Prison Hospice Project where he trains incarcerated people to provide palliative and hospice care for their aging and dying peers. Fernando shares the story of committing himself to improving the overall quality of life in the correctional setting during his own 24 years of incarceration. Together we discuss the need for hospice and palliative care in prisons and how this project is meeting that need and hoping to expand in the future. Learn more at the website:

www.humaneprisonhospiceproject.org

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How the Humane Prison Hospice Project got started
  • How Lisa became interested in the idea of prison hospice
  • Fernando’s journey from incarceration to now providing training in palliative and hospice care skills to others who are incarcerated
  • Why palliative and hospice care is desperately needed right now in prisons in the U.S.
  • How incarcerated people benefit from receiving training to become caregivers for their fellow residents
  • How the entire prison, including staff, benefits from the presence of the Humane Prison Hospice Project
  • How to get similar projects started in other prisons across the country
  • What hospice workers need to know before volunteering to teach in a correctional setting

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donors Cathy Duke, Laurie Kurs, and Kelly Oberle! Also many thanks to all of you who joined the $10 for 10 Years Campaign! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 418 Self-Care Series: How to be More Present with Patients at the End of Life with Karen Wyatt MD

Today is “Self-Care Monday” and I’ll be taking a little time off to have cataract surgery. In this brief audio recording you will learn three simple steps for being in the present moment with a patient that can help you feel more focused and less stressed. I hope you’ll take time for some self-care too as you work to help others experience a better end of life and prepare for your own future path. See you next week for a regular episode where I’ll share a new interview!

Listen here:

EOLPodcast

Ep. 417 Dignity Day: A Guidebook for Medical Aid in Dying with Gabrielle Elise Jimenez

Learn about a helpful guidebook to provide information and dispel fear around medical aid in dying.

My guest Gabrielle Elise Jimenez is a hospice nurse, an end-of-life doula, and a conscious dying educator. She is the author of 6 books and the host of The Hospice Heart Facebook group, which now has 140,000 members. We discuss her latest book Dignity Day, an informational guide for people who are considering or want to learn more about medical aid in dying, based on Gabby’s experiences with patients who have chosen this option in her home state of California. Learn more about Gabby’s work and join her Facebook group at the following links:

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Why Gabby chose “Dignity Day” as a title for the book
  • The general requirements for using MAID in states where it is legal
  • What patients and their families should expect when they consult medical providers about MAID
  • How a hospice nurse or end-of-life doula can support a patient going through this process
  • The preparations needed before the medication is ingested
  • What it looks like when a person dies using MAID and how to prepare patients and loved ones for that
  • How to talk to loved ones who don’t support a patient’s decision to use MAID

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donors Lorene Reyes, David Easton, Ed Modell, and thanks to Joan Roellchen-Pfohl for upping your pledge! Also many thanks to Dan and Judy Dickinson for buying some coffees and to all of you who joined the $10 for 10 Years Campaign! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 416 Upstream Care for Veterans at End of Life with Lauren Grigsby and Wes Moldogo

Learn about an innovative ranch that provides a safe and healing space for veterans and how to help veterans prepare for end of life “upstream”, before it’s too late.

My guests this week are two veterans who now work with other veterans at end of life. Lauren Grigsby is the co-executive director at Central Oregon Veterans Ranch and is an end-of-life doula with The Peaceful Presence Project. Wes Moldogo is chaplain who serves in the Oregon Army National Guard’s 2-162 Infantry Regiment and works also as a hospice chaplain. Together Lauren and Wes discuss the Central Oregon Veterans Ranch and the concept of “upstream care” for veterans with spiritual pain. Learn more about the ranch at the website:

www.covranch.org

Listen here:

Watch on YouTube

This episode includes:

  • The inspiration behind the Central Oregon Veterans Ranch
  • Mental health issues and “soul injury” for veterans
  • How the COV Ranch provides dignity and purpose for veterans
  • How needs for veterans change at different life stages
  • What is “upstream care” for veterans (and others) and why is it needed
  • Creating safe space for veterans as they face the end of life
  • Why the military culture of strength may make hospice acceptance more difficult for veterans
  • Why the staff members of Veterans Ranch work on their own vulnerability first
  • The importance of “distress tolerance” in end-of-life work
  • The need for palliative care for unhoused veterans
  • How the Central Oregon area is a great example of community collaboration for veteran care
  • The 3 “spiritual pains” often seen in veterans
  • Upstream interventions to help veterans with spiritual pain

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 415 End-of-Life Care for Children and Their Families with Toula Saratsis

Learn how a grieving mother has been called to offer palliative, end-of-life, and after death care to children and their families.

My guest Toula Saratsis is a certified end-of-life doula who specializes in prenatal and pediatric palliative, end-of-life, and after death care support. She shares her poignant story of being called to this work after the death of her daughter Angelica from a life limiting condition. Toula’s work and wisdom are remarkable in a field of care that many find too painful and heartbreaking to pursue. She shows us that grief is a powerful transformer and creator of good in the world. Connect with Toula:

toulasaratsis@gmail.com Facebook:  Toula Saratsis Instagram:  @toula_saratsis

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Toula and Angelica’s story
  • How Toula managed to cope with devastating loss and grief
  • Why Toula felt well-suited to provide palliative and end-of-life care to children after facing death on a daily basis
  • How to inspire more end-of-life care providers to work with children even through their discomfort
  • How Toula advocates for patients and families within the healthcare system
  • The need for palliative and end-of-life care for perinatal death
  • How to talk to a child with a life-limiting condition about death
  • The importance of a home funeral after a child dies
  • Self-care while doing this work

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donor Nadili, thanks to Kim Adams for upping your pledge, Kristin Kennell for your Paypal donation, and to Kathleen Vallee Stein for buying me 10 coffees! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 413 Death in the E.R. and the Failures of Modern Medicine with Drew Remignanti MD

Learn about current issues in healthcare that are impacting the quality of care received at the end of life.

My guest Dr. Drew Remignanti is an emergency medicine physician who has lived with chronic illness since being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at the age of 19. He suffered a major stroke at the age of 38 that sidetracked his career for five years but inspired him to write the book The Healing Connection: A Partnership for Your Health, which explores how dollar-driven motives wield too much influence over our medical decisions, including at the end of life. To learn more about the book follow Dr. Remignanti on Facebook:

Follow on Facebook

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What happens when people show up at the ER without an advance directive
  • Why the default emergency care is “do everything”
  • What is “slow medicine” and how are current forces in the healthcare system working against it
  • Why patients and providers need to work together to make the changes we need
  • When people know and trust their physician they are far more likely to create an advance care plan for their health and follow it
  • Studies show it takes only 40 seconds of compassion in a medical encounter to make a significant difference
  • The “commoditization” of healthcare and the problems it causes
  • The US has an 88% rate of healthcare illiteracy, meaning people do not know how to acquire or apply information about their health

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donor Carole Heaney! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 412 Dealing with Anger at the End of Life with Barbara Karnes RN

Learn some skills and tools for managing anger when it arises at end of life for patients, families and even co-workers.

I’m welcoming back my recurring guest Barbara Karnes, hospice nurse and internationally recognized author, speaker, thought leader and expert on end-of-life care and the dynamics of dying. Today we discuss the issue of anger, which often arises when people are facing the end of life, whether their own or that of a loved one. Barbara shares some strategies for dealing with anger and helping patients and their loved ones find peace in the last days of life. Learn more about Barbara’s books and her work at her website:

www.bkbooks.com

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • The prevalence of anger for patients at the end of life
  • How to help patients verbalize their anger without judging or reacting to it
  • Why families may need to project their anger onto the hospice staff
  • How to talk about anger with family members and help them create a sacred experience for their loved one
  • The importance of being heard and understood when we are emotional
  • Why we need to leave behind our own agenda as care providers in order to truly listen to patients and family members
  • Caregivers may feel shame over the anger they feel and have difficulty talking about it
  • How to manage anger between staff members in hospice
  • Why hospice work is a great opportunity to learn more about ourselves and grow

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu and to Mark Langlois and Alison Greene for buying me coffees! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 411 The Four Things That Matter Most with Dr. Ira Byock

Learn about a powerful book that has been helping people heal their relationships at the end of life for almost 20 years.

My special guest Dr. Ira Byock is a leading palliative care physician, author, and public advocate for improving care through the end of life. We discuss his seminal book The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living, which will reach its 20th anniversary next year. Each time I’ve interviewed Dr. Byock in the past I’ve received numerous messages from listeners letting me know how influential this book has been in their work. So it’s time we talked about all the wisdom it contains. Learn more about Dr. Byock’s work and all of his books at his website:

http://www.irabyock.org

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What inspired Dr. Byock to write the book
  • What “the four things” are (and why there used to be 5 things)
  • Why it makes a difference to simply say these four things
  • The importance of forgiveness at the end of life and why people shouldn’t wait until their deathbed to practice it
  • How to use “the four things” if your loved one has already died
  • What to do when you need to make peace with a loved one with dementia
  • How the lessons from this book have made a difference to Dr. Byock

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially Kelly Bean for increasing your pledge, and to Madeleine for buying me 5 coffees! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 409 The Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared with Francesca Lynn Arnoldy

Learn about a brilliant workbook that helps us expand death literacy while exploring life’s deeper meaning.

My guest Francesca Lynn Arnoldy is a doula and a researcher with the Vermont Conversation Lab. She was the original developer of the end-of-life doula training programs at the University of Vermont and is the author of three “death-lit” books. In this conversation we’ll discuss her latest workbook The Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared. Learn more at her websites:

www.francescalynnarnoldy.com

www.contemplativedoula.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Reminder about Francesca’s previous book Map of Memory Lane and how it helps children learn about grief
  • Francesca’s main inspiration for creating this workbook
  • The value of keeping a “Death Journal”
  • How to use The Death Doula’s Guide as a death journal
  • The importance of acquiring both intellectual knowledge and inner wisdom
  • A heart-centering practice for death workers is a valuable tool
  • What death wellness means and how one can achieve it
  • The difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion
  • How to do a life review

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu and to Robin Miniter for buying me 3 coffees! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 404 Advice for Future Corpses and Those Who Love Them with Sallie Tisdale

Learn how a Buddhist approach to death and dying can help us come to terms with our mortality.

My guest Sallie Tisdale is a nurse and the author of ten books, including Advice for Future Corpses (and Those Who Love Them.) She has worked as a registered nurse and taught at Reed College, Northwestern University, and New York University. A largely self-taught writer on health and medical issues, Tisdale has contributed to the Antioch Review, Tricycle, Harper’s Magazine, and the New Yorker. She shares what inspired her to write about death and dying and what she hopes people will take away from her book. Learn more at her website:

www.sallietisdale.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How Sallie has balanced dual careers as a nurse and writer
  • Sallie’s current work as a nurse and a trainer for caregivers
  • How the Buddhist approach to death and dying has been a lens for Sallie in her work
  • The importance of bringing joy into death and dying
  • How grief can help us feel connected to everyone on the planet
  • How death is “brand new” every time we encounter it and the importance of beginner’s mind
  • Advice for people going to visit a dying person
  • Why our efforts to increase advance care planning may be failing
  • How to help people make choices about pain management and level of sedation
  • What people need to understand about hospice care at home

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donor Kitty Edwards! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 403 Death Over Drafts: Meeting People Where They Are with Stefanie Elkins

Learn about creating opportunities in your community for conversations about death.

My guest Stefanie Elkins is a Family Caregiver Consultant, end-of-life doula, founder of Be Present Care, and the creator of Death Over Drafts, a community event held at breweries across the country to spark meaningful conversations around death and dying. She’ll share her experience bringing end-of-life conversations to community spaces where people naturally gather and how we can make a difference in someone’s end-of-life journey by helping them talk about death and grief. Learn more about Stefanie’s work at her website:

www.bepresentcare.com

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How Stefanie helps patients and families at the end of life
  • What inspired Death Over Drafts
  • Who attends Death Over Drafts and examples of the conversations that have taken place
  • Why conversations about death are important
  • Why we need to meet people where they are and bring death education to various venues and spaces
  • How to bring Death Over Drafts to your own community
  • Why end-of-life workers need to do their own work planning for the end of life
  • How families can support the aging and prepare for the inevitable

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donor Phyllis Wintter and to Don Zacharias for making a Paypal donation! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 401 End-of-Life Visions and Other Experiences with Barbara Karnes RN

Learn about “non-ordinary” end-of-life experiences like deathbed visions and why they are a gift to patients and their loved ones.

This week I’m welcoming back my recurring guest Barbara Karnes RN, hospice nurse and international speaker and educator. She is also the author of the “little blue hospice book” Gone from My Sight and the recent book for caregivers, By Your Side. Barbara and I discuss common phenomena that occur during the last days of life that can be upsetting to families if they don’t understand what’s happening. As usual we share lots of stories and experiences along with our own approach to handling these situations. Learn more about Barbara’s work at her website:

www.bkbooks.com

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • The frequency of unexplained phenomena at the end of life
  • What it’s like when a patient experiences a deathbed vision
  • The symbolic language that patients may use prior to death
  • What is terminal lucidity and how to help loved ones understand what is happening
  • How to respond to patients and caregivers when deathbed phenomena occur
  • Why it’s important to validate and normalize these experiences
  • Why we should avoid interjecting our own beliefs and interpretations about these events
  • How to help loved ones find the gift in these experiences rather than be afraid of them

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my latest patron Stefanie Elkins! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 400 The Value of Death: The Lancet Commission Report with Dr. Libby Sallnow

Learn about the important recent report from the Lancet Commission in the UK on the value of death and what each of us needs to do to help bring death back into life.

My guest Dr. Libby Sallnow is a palliative medicine consultant and honorary senior lecturer at St. Christopher’s Hospice and the UCL Marie Curie Palliative Care Research Department, UK. She is also the co-author of The Lancet Commission Report on the Value of Death: Bringing Death Back Into Life. In addition her PhD explored the translation of a model of compassionate communities from Kerala, India to London, UK. She discusses the creation of the report on The Value of Death and its key takeaways that can form a roadmap for the reform and rebalancing of death and dying in our societies. Learn more about her work at the website:

www.ucl.ac.uk/health-of-public/news-and-events/spotlight/spotlight-dr-libby-sallnow

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What inspired Libby’s interest in end-of-life care
  • The Lancet Commission on the Value of Death and what lead to their recent report
  • Why we need to rebalance death and dying
  • The “5 principles of a realistic utopia” as described in the report
  • Why we need to focus on death literacy first as we try to improve end-of-life care in our societies
  • The compassionate communities approach (to be covered in a future episode)

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my latest patrons Jeff Black and Lindsay Compton, and to Brittany Ellis for your donation on Paypal! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLU Blog

Blog: What Doctors Need to Learn About Death and Dying

The old man and the young woman sat across from one another stiffly perched on plastic chairs, staring down at the floor – doctor and patient. The tension in the room, exaggerated by the silence between them, was almost unbearable. Then the patient, stroking a trembling, emaciated hand across a hairless scalp, spoke haltingly, “Doctor, promise me I’m not going to die.”

According to a recent post in the New York Times by columnist Jane Brody, this type of interaction with a terminally ill patient creates occupational distress for many doctors who are not equipped emotionally to handle such a difficult situation. She states that doctors who are unable to cope with “their own feelings of frustration, failure and helplessness … may react with anger, abruptness and avoidance” toward their patients who are dying. When this occurs doctors may recommend futile treatments to patients at the end of life because they cannot connect with those patients on a human, suffering level and have nothing else to offer them.

The article touts mindfulness meditation, a practice recommended by palliative care specialist Dr. Michael Kearney, as a solution for discontent and disconnected doctors. I wholeheartedly agree that mindfulness meditation can be a very helpful practice for calming anxiety and learning to be present. However, I believe that this problem—doctors who find themselves unable to cope with perceived failure when a patient is dying—requires a deeper and more fundamental solution: doctors need a new understanding of death and therefore, life. 

These are the fundamental truths of death and dying that should be taught to every medical student from the first day of training:

1. Death is inevitable.

Every living thing on Earth will die. Death ultimately cannot be avoided or prevented, even though it can and should be forestalled when reasonably possible. The fact that every patient eventually dies creates a sense of hopelessness and futility for doctors if they pit themselves against death as an enemy—for that is a battle that can never be won. But those who recognize that the end of life is actually the final stage of human development can help their patients face their last days with dignity and make reasonable choices for their care and treatment.

2. Death is a mystery.

No matter how hard we try we simply cannot control or accurately predict when natural death will occur. In my hospice work I have seen many patients who lived far longer than expected, against all reasonable odds; and I have also seen patients who died much sooner than expected, from causes not related to their terminal illness. We have to accept this mysterious nature of death even while we work to circumvent it or prepare for its arrival.

3. Death makes life more precious.

When life is perceived against the dark backdrop of death, we can see how it shines and glistens for us, ever more precious because it is fleeting. This is the gift that our mortal nature provides us—an opportunity to cherish each moment simply for the fact that it will not last. 

4. Dying provides an opportunity for transformation.

In my work with hospice patients I have witnessed over and over the transformative power of love and forgiveness during the last days of life. When dying is respected as a natural part of life and time is allowed for the process to unfold, patients can turn their focus to matters of the heart and soul and find meaning in both life and death. But this does not happen when death is perceived as an enemy that must be resisted until the final breath is taken. Doctors can help their patients change focus by advising them with honesty when the time comes that pursuing further treatment is futile and will cause more harm than benefit.

 In my ideal world doctors would be educated in the wisdom of all aspects of health, including the decline of physical health that ends in death. Doctors would be the guides who help us make reasonable choices, who see beyond our fears, and who possess the compassion and tools to ease our suffering.  Doctors then would be the wisest members of our society, never deluded by the myth of immortality.

When a doctor such as this is asked by a patient, “How can I live, knowing I am going to die?’ the answer would be:

“You must turn your focus to those things that matter the most to you. Put your energy into living each and every moment fully rather than trying to escape death. Then when the time of your death arrives—and no one really knows when that time will be—you won’t feel bitter and deprived. You will be filled with the joy of a life of meaning—no matter how many years of life you have been given.”

Healing takes place, not when death is forestalled, but when life is embraced and affirmed in its entirety, from beginning to end. When doctors can fully understand the nature of death and dying they will become the true healers that are desperately needed in this world. 

EOLPodcast

Ep. 399 Grief Rituals and Transcending the “Five Stages” with Dr. Terri Daniel

Learn how rituals can help us with grief and what the Five Stages model gets wrong about grief.

My guest this week is Dr. Terri Daniel, inter-spiritual hospice chaplain, end-of-life educator, and grief counselor. She shares some of the powerful rituals she uses for grief at funerals and workshops and we dive into the Five Stages model and why it continues to be popular in our society. Terri is also the author of four books on death, grief and the afterlife and the founder of The Conference on Death, Grief and Belief, which focuses on how religious beliefs and cultural ideologies influence one’s relationship with death and grief. Learn more at Terri’s websites:

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Terri’s journey from caring for her son Danny at the end of his life to the work she is doing now
  • Why she started The Conference on Death, Grief and Belief and how to attend
  • Unique and powerful grief rituals Terri has created for people at the end of their lives and also for funerals and workshops
  • How rituals help us with grief and mourning
  • How the Five Stages model initially became applied to grief
  • What the Five Stages model gets wrong about acceptance
  • How the Five Stages model persists in our society
  • What ChatGPT says about why the Five Stages model is popular
  • Other models for personality and “love languages” that have attained widespread popularity in spite of having no evidence of accuracy (and why this happens)

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my latest patron Catherine Paton, and to Anne Jungerman for increasing your pledge, Amrita for buying me a coffee, Suzie Hopkins for your donation on Paypal, and Ray Burleigh for your donation and poem! Your contributions make all the difference.

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Ep. 397 Talking About Death with ChatGPT

Learn how the AI language model ChatGPT can be used as a resource for information about death and dying and when caution is required.

My special “guest” this week is ChatGPT an AI language model that can understand and respond to human language. Chat has been trained on a wide range of topics, including end-of-life care, hospice, palliative care, grief and bereavement, and advance care planning, among others. I conducted a written “interview” with Chat to test its knowledge and in this episode I report on my findings. In addition, I’ve compiled all of our correspondence into a book titled Conversations on Death with ChatGPT, which you can access now in ebook format. I hope you enjoy hearing about my adventures with Chat!

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What an AI language model consists of and how to interact with it
  • The amazing depth and breadth of content and resources that ChatGPT was able to generate in a matter of seconds
  • What I learned about euphemisms for death from Chat
  • What Chat got wrong about for-profit hospice
  • How Chat needed better information about talking to children about death
  • Chat’s creative ideas for promoting advance care planning in predominantly Black communities
  • Chat’s thoughts about the 5-stages model of grief
  • A haiku Chat wrote about grief
  • How Chat helped me deal with guilt over my father’s suicide death

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest patrons Susan Mackey and Colleen Bracken, and to Laura Srygley for buying me a coffee and Fabricio Vasconcelos de Lima for donating on Paypal! Your contributions make all the difference.

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Ep. 396 The Chrysalis™ Room: Transforming Death in the Nursing Home with Loretta Downs

Learn about a mission to transform care for dying patients and their loved ones in nursing homes.

My guest Loretta Downs is a Certified End-of-Life Care Practitioner and holds a Masters Degree in Gerontology. She founded Chrysalis End-of-Life Inspirations to advocate for the creation of private rooms in nursing homes and hospitals where families and friends can keep vigil with a loved one who is dying. She’ll discuss her project and share some of the stories that have inspired her work. (NOTE: This is an archived interview from the days before I acquired a professional microphone, so the sound quality is less than desired, but the content is excellent!) Learn more at Loretta’s website:

www.endoflifeinspirations.com

Listen on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How Loretta became interested in working with the dying
  • What is a “Chrysalis Room”
  • How Loretta conceived of the idea of a separate room for the dying in nursing homes
  • How the Chrysalis Room has benefitted both the patients and the staffs of long-term care facilities
  • What it takes to create a Chrysalis Room
  • How to advocate with a facility to change the way they care for the dying

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest patrons Marian Head and Jaime Corbin, and to Lynn Mytroen for buying me a coffee! Your contributions make all the difference.