EOLU Blog

What Forrest Gump Teaches Us About Death and Dying

by Karen Wyatt MD

The classic movie Forrest Gump (1994), directed by Robert Zemeckis, has been described by some as a profound social commentary and a historical depiction of southern culture, and by others as a model of man’s resiliency. But on closer look, Forrest Gump, the tale of a simple man negotiating a complex world, can actually be interpreted as a film about death and dying with some important lessons for us to learn on this subject.

Throughout the film Forrest tells stories of historical events that involve the deaths of various iconic figures such as Elvis Presley, John F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, and John Lennon. He matter-of-factly talks about each man’s death and sums up his own lack of explanation for these tragedies with “for no particular reason” or “I don’t know why,” reminding us that death is a mystery that very often cannot be understood from a rational perspective.

But Forrest also faces death on a personal level as he must endure the loss of three of the most important people in his life: his Momma, his “best good friend” Bubba, and his beloved Jenny, who won his heart the moment he first laid eyes on her. As we watch Forrest cope with death in his uncomplicated and imperturbable manner there are certain lessons that shine forth for each of us about death and dying:

“You never know what you’re gonna get.”

    This is the corollary to Forrest’s most famous adage: “Life [and also Death] is like a box of chocolates.” One of our greatest struggles is the fact that life and death are uncertain. We have no way of knowing when or how we will die and must live with our questions and take our chances as we move through this world. 

    Even if we demand control over death by choosing to take it into our own hands, there are still no guarantees: the method we choose to hasten death might fail, we might change our minds at the last minute, or we might even die by some other cause before the date of our planned death.

    So we have to reach into the box of life, not knowing what we will get, and make the best of whatever we draw out. Forrest is okay with this reality of life and models for us, in his Zen-like fashion, that sometimes not-knowing and simply accepting things as they are can be the highest form of wisdom.

     “If I’d known this would be the last time we’d talk I’d have thought of something better to say.”

    These are Forrest’s words as he reflects on his last moments with his “best good friend” Bubba who dies during a firefight in Vietnam. Forrest reminds us that our words may be the last gift we will ever give to our loved ones and we should choose them carefully. Any moment with someone we care about could be our final opportunity to express our love and admiration, so let’s not waste a single one. The last words our loved ones hear us utter need not be profound or deeply wise, but wouldn’t it be sweet if those words spoke of love and compassion?

    “It’s my time—just my time.”

    With these few words, Momma explains to Forrest in simple terms that death has its own time frame, as the verse from Ecclesiastes 3:2 states, there is “a time to be born and a time to die.” Momma accepts her dying with calmness and fearlessness that reassure Forrest and help him see that even a painful loss can be perfect in a way. 

    Lieutenant Dan believed that “his time” was to die during the war as a hero, but when Forrest saved his life he had to recognize eventually that his path had something else in store for him. We really cannot say what the timing of death will be or should be—we can only observe it and marvel that death always arrives with its own sense of mystery. 

    “Death is just a part of life.”

    Forrest recalls these words from his Momma as he copes with losing his dear Jenny. At this point in the story it becomes clear that this simple truth has been an important message of the entire film: Death cannot be separated from life. 

    In fact, death is a necessary part of the cycle of life and should be accepted as a natural, though painful, process. Forrest is able to grasp this concept and use it as his lens for looking at all of the events of his own existence, which is evidence that life and death are not necessarily difficult to understand. But we tend to complicate them by overthinking and overreacting emotionally to the circumstances that occur. Forrest teaches us to take a step back and look at life and death without expectations or attachments.

    “I couldn’t tell where Heaven stopped and Earth began.”

    When Jenny asks Forrest if he was ever afraid in Vietnam, he ends up describing to her all of the beautiful moments he remembers from that experience and also from running back and forth across the country multiple times. 

    He recalls several times when nature’s beauty was especially astounding such as when the stars came out on a clear night, a gorgeous scene was reflected perfectly upon a still lake, and the sun rose and set with all its vivid colors.  These are the moments when we recognize that Heaven is not a place to transition to—Heaven is always right here, right now, within our own perception of life and death.

     “I don’t know if we each have a destiny or we’re all just floatin’ around accidental like on a breeze. Maybe both happening at the same time …”

    With this final musing, Forrest sums up the key message of this movie: life can be like a feather floating on a breeze, randomly swayed and directed by gusts of wind that shift direction without warning. But life also, like each feather, has a purpose and a reason to exist. And both are happening at the same time. 

    When we can grasp both of those concepts, as Forrest has, we will have mastered the key to enlightenment and also the answer to the fear of dying. We don’t have to worry about death—we will float there on a breeze, but in that process we will also fulfill our greatest purpose. 

    EOLPodcast

    Ep. 442 When You Die Project: Raising Death Awareness with Johanna Lunn

    Learn about a trilogy of documentary films that inform and inspire conversations about death, dying and the afterlife.

    My guest Johanna Lunn is an award-winning producer, director, and writer, who has crafted many compelling, entertaining, and profoundly thought-provoking programs during her 20+ years in the business. She is the director and producer of the When You Die Documentary Trilogy. Johanna discusses how she founded WhenYouDie.org to foster awareness about death by curating many voices to share their stories–from palliative care clinicians, death doulas and the bereaved, to poets, comedians, and artists. Learn more at the website:

    whenyoudie.org

    YouTube Channel

    Listen here:

    This episode includes:

    • What inspired Johanna to create this series of films
    • How she gathered the speakers she interviewed for each film
    • Why we need to look ahead to create something new rather than relying on what has worked in the past
    • The need for both a “curing team” and a “healing team”
    • What Johanna has learned about death, dying and the afterlife from creating the When You Die Project
    • Who can benefit from these films and her long term goals for them
    • How to watch and share these three documentaries with others

    Links mentioned in this episode:

    If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donors Jane Whitlock, Robin Mallor, Carla Wheeler, and 4Brigid.  Also thank you to Dana Tuttle for buying me 3 coffees and Lisa Creeden for joining the $10 for 10 Years Campaign! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

    EOLPodcast

    Ep. 441 The Doula Tool Kit: A Guide for EOL Doulas with Diane Button, Gabby Elise Jimenez, and Angela Shook

    Learn about a helpful new tool kit that’s not just for end-of-life doulas but can benefit anyone who cares for others at the end of life.

    My three guests this week, Diane Button, Gabby Elise Jimenez, and Angela Shook, are all end-of-life doulas who have teamed up to create a helpful guidebook for other doulas: The Doula Tool Kit: The Complete Practical Guide for End-of-Life Doulas and Caregivers. We’ll learn all about the book and how this trio came together to write it. Plus they’ll share some of their tips for doulas and what motivates them to do this work. Learn more at their websites:

    Listen here:

    This episode includes:

    • How these three doulas connected to collaborate on this project
    • Why a “doula tool kit” is needed right now for new doulas after training
    • What’s included in the book
    • Who can benefit from the contents of the book
    • The power of collaboration and why we need more of it in the end-of-life field
    • Why the book is not just for doulas but also for lay people and family caregivers
    • Why some doulas for humans may also want to get training as companion animal doulas

    Links mentioned in this episode:

    If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest donor Jan Booth and to Linda Read for increasing your pledge.  Also thank you to everyone who has bought me a coffee or joined the $10 for 10 Years Campaign! Your contributions make all the difference and ensure this podcast stays ad-free.

    EOLPodcast

    Ep. 311 The Conundrum of “Hope” at the End-of-Life

    Learn why hope is a powerful tool that can be harmful or helpful at the end of life.

    In this solo episode I share some thoughts, concerns, studies, quotes and clips on hope and why it isn’t always a good thing at the end of life. From doctors who refuse to refer patients to hospice and palliative care because they don’t want to take away their hope, to patients who cling to false hopes and resist planning for the end of life, I’ve long been concerned that we are using hope in a toxic way in our medical system. It’s time to look at a better way to help patients find meaning and positive experiences at the end of life than just handing them empty hope.

    Listen here:

    This episode includes:

    • How hope can be harmful for some people as they approach the end of life
    • Study showing the unrealistic expectations of terminal patients for how long they thought they had to live
    • The consequences of unrealistic hope for individual patients and the medical system
    • How some medical providers use hope as a tool without recognizing the harm it can cause to patients
    • How unrealistic hope can prevent patients from focusing on the present moment
    • Study showing that hope has a spectrum from “miracle cure” to “peaceful death”
    • Most patients want gentle honesty from their doctors but doctors often don’t recognize that
    • How to “dance with death” (per Stephen Jenkinson) rather than fighting against death
    • Why hope can be a superficial disguise for the fear of death
    • How to help people move beyond unrealistic hope to greater acceptance of death

    Links mentioned in this episode:

    If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my supporter John Kuntz for increasing your monthly pledge! Your contributions make all the difference!

    End of Life, EOLPodcast

    Ep. 220 What to Do When Someone Dies: How Lantern Shows the Way with Liz Eddy

    Learn about a new online resource for people dealing with the death of a loved one.

    podcasteddy

    My guest Liz Eddy is the founder of Lantern.co, an innovative online resource for navigating the stressful and painful days after the death of a loved one. She shares how she was inspired to create this site and how it benefits those in need of information and guidance with all of the decisions that must be made after a death. Learn more at the website:

    www.lantern.co

    Listen here:

     

    This episode includes:

    • How and why Liz created Lantern
    • How one person can make a big difference in the world
    • Why a “one-stop” resource site is valuable after the death of a loved one
    • How Lantern can help people make more affordable choices after a death
    • Educational resources available on Lantern
    • How technology can help people avoid being taken advantage of by vendors
    • How people connect with Lantern during a time of need
    • The “big vision” for Lantern in the future

    Links mentioned in this episode:

    • If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on Patreon.com/eolu,especially my newest Patron David Stubbers, your contributions mean everything to me!

     

    End of Life, EOLPodcast

    Ep. 207 The Dance of Life and Death – Part 2: Balance

    PodcastBalance

    In this 4-part series of solo episodes I’m sharing wisdom about the intertwining of life and death in a perfect dance that spirals throughout eternity. Today I talk about balance, which is an essential element of any dance. Learn how to balance dying while living and living while dying! These thoughts are derived from my book What Really Matters: 7 Lessons for Living from the Stories of the Dying.

    Get the book here.

    Listen here:

     

    This episode includes:

    • Thoughts on coping with tragedy and 5 tips for spiritual survival
    • Why we cannot live fully (and in balance) if we ignore death
    • How the medical system perpetuates the separation of death from life
    • How being mindful of death helps us let go of attachments and live with equanimity
    • Practices for bringing death awareness into daily life:
      • Morning gratitude practice
      • Mantra: This day is a gift
      • Notice death around you – including tragedies in the world
      • Observe the “little deaths” each day
      • Practice getting back into balance
    • Discover joie de vivre (the joy of living) and practice love through your final breath

    Links mentioned in this episode:

    Art of Dying Author Series_ September 6, 2019 7-8_30 pm

    If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on Patreon.com/eolu, especially my new patron, Heather Thomas–your contribution means  everything to me!

    End of Life, EOLPodcast

    Ep. 206 The Dance of Life and Death – Part 1: Timing

    PodcastDanceTiming

    In this 4-part series of solo episodes I’m sharing wisdom about the intertwining of life and death in a perfect dance that spirals throughout eternity. Today I talk about timing, which is one of the essential components of any dance! These thoughts are derived from my book What Really Matters: 7 Lessons for Living from the Stories of the Dying.

    WRM@flatcover

    Get the book here.

    Art of Dying Author Series_ September 6, 2019 7-8_30 pm

    Join me for the Art of Dying Author Series on September 6th at the Open Center in New York City. I’ll be discussing What Really Matters and signing books! Learn more here.

    Also check out my workshop September 7th: Earth Lessons for the Soul here

    Life and Death, two partners holding one another closely, swaying eternally to the music of the Universe. 

    Karen Wyatt MD from What Really Matters 

    Listen here.

     

    This episode includes:

    • Rainer Maria Rilke’s letters to the bereaved
    • Why death and life are locked in an inseparable dance
    • How we learn slowly about death through life’s experiences
    • How to cope with the unique timing of life’s events when it doesn’t fit our hopes and expectations
    • Why even our mistakes and failures turn out to be perfect

    We must live in both, be intimately at home in both [life and death.]

    – Rainer Maria Rilke, from The Dark Interval

    darkinterval

    Links mentioned in this episode:

    If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on Patreon.com/eolu, especially my new patrons, Michelle Wilkinson and Sandy Lemen–your contributions mean everything to me!

     

    EOLPodcast, mortal wisdom, Spirituality

    Ep. 195 Why Death is Life’s Best-Kept Secret

    Learn how to live your best life by embracing your mortality.

    PodcastWisdom

    In Part 8 of the Mortal Wisdom Series I’ll summarize the 7 lessons presented in the previous episodes and discuss the mindset we need to adopt in order to live fully and peacefully as mortal beings. Find out my tips and guideposts for living a death-aware life no matter what blessings or challenges we are given to navigate. Listen to Parts 1-6 first if you haven’t heard them yet!

    Mortalwisdom

    Listen here:

     

    This episode includes:

    • Why each day should be a “good day to die”
    • How to carry death with you at all times as your wise advisor
    • How all 7 lessons from mortality fit and flow together:
      • Suffering
      • Love
      • Forgiveness
      • Presence
      • Purpose
      • Surrender
      • Impermanence
    • Why life is like an episode of “Chopped” cooking show: the “ingredients” life gives you are always a surprise and your task is to make something beautiful and delicious from them
    • 5 tips for living a death-aware life each and every day

    Nake nula waun: I am ready for whatever comes.

    – Lakota Sioux battle cry

    Links mentioned in this episode:

    If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on Patreon.com/eolu, especially my new Patrons: Jennifer Turner, Laura Sodders and Tom Johnson-Medland!