Tag: funerals

EOLPodcast

Ep. 392 The Evolution of the American Funeral with Todd Harra

kwyattmd

Learn the fascinating history of some funeral customs in America and how the profession is changing.

My guest Todd Harra is a 4th generation funeral director, embalmer, post-mortem reconstructionist, and creationist who works for the family funeral business in Wilmington, Delaware. He is also an author of several books including his latest book Last Rites: The Evolution of the American Funeral. He discusses the fascinating history of many funeral customs here in the U.S. and why funerals are important. Learn more at his website:

www.toddharra.com

Get the book here

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What inspired Todd to work in the family business as a funeral director
  • How this career provides lessons in grace and humility
  • Common myths and stigmas about the profession of funeral director
  • How the funeral industry continues to evolve
  • How and why the practice of embalming the dead began in the U.S.
  • The history of viewing the body before burial and why it may be helpful for mourners
  • The discovery at a Neanderthal burial site of evidence for early funeral practices
  • Why funerals are important and a vital step in the grieving process
  • When and why to include children in funerals
  • How technology will change funerals in the future
  • What we need to remember about the history of funerals as we move into the future

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest patron Heather Capuano! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 390 Funeral Consumers Alliance: Resources for Funeral Planning with Martha Lundgren

kwyattmd

Learn how the FCA helps consumers plan ahead for funerals and make informed choices for themselves and their loved ones.

My guest Martha Lundgren is the president of the board of Funeral Consumers Alliance of Arizona. She also serves on the speakers bureau for FCA-AZ and is a representative in the Arizona End of Life Care Partnership. Martha will tell us the role FCA plays in educating people about their rights when planning a funeral and how to avoid costly mistakes, which is information we all need to know for ourselves, loved ones, patients and clients. Learn more at the websites:

Funeral Consumers Alliance of Arizona: www.fcaaz.org

National Funeral Consumers Alliances: www.funerals.org

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • The role of the Funeral Consumers Alliance
  • Why planning ahead is important for funerals, especially if you have specific wishes for what happens
  • How FCA helps consumers “shop around” for funeral arrangements
  • The funeral industry in general lacks transparency about pricing
  • Why you should plan in advance but not pay in advance for funerals
  • Consumers should beware of deceptive advertising in the funeral industry
  • Why it’s important to name someone to pay for and plan your funeral
  • What to do if your loved one doesn’t want a funeral
  • How to cover the cost of a funeral or disposition
  • What happens if someone dies while traveling out of state or out of the country

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest patron Diana Hiatt! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 376 Creating a Sacred Space at the Moment of Death with Barbara Karnes, RN

kwyattmd

Learn some simple steps to honor the sacredness of the moments before and after death.

My favorite guest Barbara Karnes, RN is back for another episode where we talk about issues in hospice care. Barbara is an internationally recognized speaker and expert on end-of-life care. She is author of the popular booklet Gone from My Sight and By Your Side: A Guide for Caring for the Dying at Home, among others. Today Barbara shares some fantastic tips for how to help a family create a sacred space for the moment of their loved one’s death and just after. We discuss what hospice providers, death doulas, or family members can do to enhance meaning and reverence as the last breath is taken. These simple reminders are important to make sure that we don’t overlook this brief moment-in-time that is filled with so much significance and grace. Learn more about Barbara’s work at her website:

www.bkbooks.com

Get By Your Side here

Watch on YouTube

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What to do in the hours before a death
  • How to be a “conductor” for this final moment of life
  • Why each family member should be encouraged to say a private goodbye
  • How to prepare the body immediately after death
  • How to arrange the room immediately after a death
  • When to call the funeral home
  • What to do after the body is removed
  • How to talk about the benefits of having a visitation
  • How to help family members, including children, write letters or draw pictures to leave with loved one at the funeral
  • How to create sacred space in a hospital room or ICU

Links mentioned in this episode:

EOLPodcast

Ep. 342 The Grieving Brain: The Science of Love and Loss with Mary-Frances O’Connor PhD

kwyattmd

Learn how the brain changes and learns in response to loss and grief.

My guest Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, where she directs the Grief, Loss and Social Stress (GLASS) Lab, which investigates the effects of grief on the brain and the body. She discusses her book The Grieving Brain that highlights her research on the changes that occur in the brain during the grief process and how we can go about restoring a meaningful life while grieving. Learn more at her website:

www.maryfrancesoconnor.com

Get the book The Grieving Brain

Watch the video on YouTube

Read the transcript

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How the brain has to create a new “map” of reality after a loved one dies
  • Why the second year of grieving might be harder than the first
  • Why understanding the changes taking place in the brain can help us have more compassion for ourselves
  • How funeral rituals can be helpful for accepting the new reality that the brain must grasp
  • The difference between grief and grieving
  • How grief changes who you are and how you live in the world
  • Why guilt is a common emotion after a death
  • What is “complicated grief”
  • Why the experience of loss will continue to arise for us over and over again throughout life
  • What is the feeling of “yearning” and how does the brain contribute to it
  • Social connectedness is one of the most important coping skills for grieving
  • How to create an emotional “toolkit” that can help us cope with loss and grief (flexibility, presence, trying new experiences)
  • How grief can unite us and connect us with all of humanity

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest patrons Christina Alleva and Teresa Putnam! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 320 Disrupting the Casket Industry: Titan Casket Online with Scott Ginsberg, Liz Siegel, and Josh Siegel

kwyattmd

Learn about an online marketplace for caskets that is a game-changer for the funeral industry.

My three guests–Scott Ginsberg, Liz Siegel, and Josh Siegel–are the co-founders of Titan Casket, an online marketplace that sells caskets directly to consumers. The mission of Titan Casket is “to offer designer caskets at revolutionary prices, while driving affordability and transparency in the funeral industry.” Today they’ll share why the casket and funeral industries are in need of disruption and how their online service works for consumers. We’ll talk about technology in general and how it is currently changing every aspect of end-of-life planning. Learn more at their website:

www.titancasket.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What inspired the creation of Titan Casket
  • Why now is the right time for a disruption in the funeral industry
  • How their online marketplace works for consumers
  • The “Funeral Rule” and consumer rights in funeral planning
  • How Titan Casket can actually benefit funeral directors
  • How an “on-demand” casket company can meet the unique and creative needs of consumers with a rapid turn-around time
  • Why death doulas, home funeral guides and alternative funeral directors should know about Titan Casket and their eco-friendly caskets
  • How technology is impacting other areas of end-of-life care

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes. Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest supporters Kelly Bean, Leslie Alin-Tewes, Karen Friedman and Kyle Tevlin! Your contributions make all the difference.

EOLPodcast

Ep. 307 Life.Death.Whatever: We All Know How This Ends with Anna Lyons and Louise Winter

kwyattmd

Learn how an EOL doula and funeral director in the UK have teamed up to creatively shift the conversation around death and dying.

My guests Anna Lyons and Louise Winter are the creative team behind the popular Life.Death.Whatever initiative to redesign the dialogue around death and dying. Anna is an end-of-life doula and Louise is a progressive funeral director in the UK. They share how their partnership has allowed them to address the full spectrum of end-of-life issues from terminal diagnosis to the dying process to after-death care and bereavement–all of which are beautifully covered in their newly released book We All Know How This Ends: Lessons About Life and Living from Working with Death and Dying. Learn more at their website:

www.lifedeathwhatever.com

Follow on Instagram: @lifedeathwhat

Get the book here

Listen here

This episode includes:

  • How Anna and Louise teamed up to create Life.Death.Whatever
  • The inspiration behind writing this book
  • How they developed two projects for public participation: Five Things and Unsaid
  • Why it is important to create links between end-of-life and after-death care
  • Sensitive or “taboo” topics covered in the book like sex during illness and at the end of life and what happens to the body during decomposition and cremation
  • Why they included COVID in their new book and the importance of acknowledging the pandemic when we talk about end-of-life issues
  • How to submit your own writing for Five Things or Unsaid
  • The most surprising things they’ve learned about life through working with death

Eat the gelato – especially if it’s salted caramel.”

from We All Know How this Ends by Anna Lyons and Louise Winter

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • Submit your Five Things or Unsaid writing to submissions@lifedeathwhatever.com
  • Sign up for the 2021 online reading group A Year of Reading Dangerously at this link
  • Support your local bookstore by buying my books on Bookshop and Indiebound: 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying and The Journey from Ego to Soul
  • Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
  • Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 294 Virtual Funerals and Memorials: How and Why to Hold Them with Merilynne Rush

kwyattmd

Learn best practices for creating a meaningful and powerful funeral or memorial service online.

My guest Merilynne Rush is an EOL Doula Mentor, Home Funeral Guide, Green Burial Educator, Advance Care Planning Facilitator, Death Cafe host, former hospice nurse, and former home birth midwife. Today she shares her personal experience planning and hosting a virtual memorial service for her father, including all of the challenges and benefits of taking on such a task. She offers helpful advice to anyone who feels called to plan a virtual ceremony and explains why this new way of being together after a loved one dies is likely here to stay. Learn more about her work at her website:

www.thedyingyear.org

Read her blog post on Virtual Memorials here

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • The importance of funeral and memorial rituals and why they should happen sooner rather than later after a death
  • Why a virtual ceremony can be just as effective as in-person
  • Why good planning and organization is essential for conducting an online event
  • Getting outside help from a tech assistant and an “MC” to manage the flow of the ceremony
  • Creating an effective “script” for the event
  • Why breakout rooms are helpful at the end of the ceremony
  • Tips for creating a slide show to use during the event
  • How virtual gatherings can “carry all the love” we want to share and help with our grief
  • Why virtual funerals and memorials are likely to continue even after the pandemic

Links mentioned in this episode:

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest supporter Heather Capuano! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 291 The Right Way of Death: Restoring the American Funeral Business with Eric Layer

kwyattmd

Learn how the funeral business needs to evolve to meet the needs of our changing society.

My guest Eric Layer grew up around funeral homes and cemeteries where both of his parents worked. Now as a partner in a marketing advisory firm he has taken a critical look at the funeral business and analyzed what has gone wrong and what is still right within this necessary service industry. He is the author of the book The Right Way of Death: Restoring the American Funeral Business to Its True Calling and shares his insights with us. Learn more at his website:

www.therightwayofdeath.com

Get the book here.

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • How the funeral industry has failed to evolve with the rest of society
  • Research on ceremonies and rituals for death around the world
  • Why death rituals are important
  • Dr. J. William Worden’s 4 “tasks” of grief and how funeral homes should help with those tasks
  • Direct cremation and why is it a concerning practice (in light of the tasks of grief)
  • The challenge for funeral directors (and other end-of-life care providers) in dealing with people who are facing the worst crisis of their lives
  • How to legitimately build a business out of work that is also a service to others
  • What is “the right way of death”

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • Get Eric Layer’s book here
  • Book: Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy by J. William Worden
  • Sign up for the 2021 online reading group A Year of Reading Dangerously at this link
  • Support your local bookstore by buying my books on Bookshop and Indiebound: 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying and The Journey from Ego to Soul
  • Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
  • Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest supporter Toni Marie Van Aernum! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 282 The Beauty of What Remains with Rabbi Steve Leder

kwyattmd

Listen as Rabbi Steve Leder shares the wisdom learned through caring for the spiritual needs of his temple members at the end of life.

My guest Rabbi Steve Leder is the senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles and the author of several books including the recently released The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift. His beautifully-written book is based upon his experience providing spiritual care to thousands of temple members and their families as they faced the end of life. Interwoven with dozens of stories he learned as “Rabbi Steve” are the personal stories of “Son Steve”, navigating his father’s illness and eventual death from Alzheimer’s dementia. We share a deep and thoughtful conversation about the challenges of facing death and the beautiful life lessons it teaches us. Learn more about Rabbi Steve’s work at his website:

www.SteveLeder.com

Get the book on Bookshop or Amazon

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • What inspired Rabbi Steve to write this book
  • The meaning of the title “The Beauty of What Remains”
  • Advice for how to “show up” for the dying
  • Dealing with the character flaws and secrets of the deceased when writing a eulogy
  • The need for greater honesty and authenticity when being with the dying
  • Why we can’t understand deep grief until we experience it ourselves
  • Why funerals during COVID may actually be more meaningful than before
  • How the dead speak to us through our memories
  • Why we must focus on “being a good ancestor” to those who will follow us

“Dying makes perfect sense to the dying, just not to the living; the same way that breathing underwater makes perfect sense to the fish but not to us.”

Rabbi Steve Leder

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • Get The Beauty of What Remains here
  • Check out “10 Days to Activate Revolutionary Love” here
  • Sign up for the 2021 online reading group A Year of Reading Dangerously at this link
  • Support your local bookstore by buying my books on Bookshop and Indiebound: 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying and The Journey from Ego to Soul
  • Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
  • Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest supporter S. Robertson! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast, Grief, Spirituality

Ep. 269 Disenfranchised Grief and Sacred Rituals for Healing with Joél Simone Anthony

kwyattmd

Learn how to restore sacredness to grief and embrace those who are often excluded from the shared grief experience.

My guest Joél Simone Anthony is a licensed funeral director and sacred grief practitioner in Atlanta, Georgia. She utilizes spirituality that is deeply rooted in ancient wisdom in her work guiding families toward healing after a death has occurred. Joél is also a leader in the movement to expose and heal systemic racism in death care and teaches cultural competency courses for funeral professionals. Learn more about her work at her website:

www.thegravewoman.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

  • Joél’s calling to become a funeral director
  • How her upbringing exposed her to ancient African culture that informs her work today
  • Definition and examples of disenfranchised grief
  • How ignoring grief has emotional and mental health consequences
  • How COVID interferes with funeral rituals and ideas for creating a sense of community during a time of isolation
  • Simple rituals to help with grief
  • “The Grief Kit” as a tool for dealing with loss
  • How systemic racism in death care can occur due to a lack of education
  • Joél’s courses:
    • Shifting Deathcare: Tools for a New Paradigm (in collaboration with others)
    • Self Care for Death Professionals
    • Racism in Death Care
    • Cultural Competency for Funeral Professionals

Links mentioned in this episode:

  • Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
  • Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
  • Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference!

End of Life, EOLPodcast

Ep. 157 “Journey’s End”: Stories for Everyone About Death with Julie Saeger Nierenberg and Victoria Brewster

kwyattmd

Learn about a helpful book of stories dealing with death, dying and the end of life and how you can contribute your own story to the next book in the series.

PodcastJulieVikki

 

 

julievikkicollage

In this episode I present my conversation with the co-editors and co-curators of the book Journey’s End: Death, Dying, and the End of Life – Julie Saeger Nierenberg and Victoria Brewster. 

Learn more about the book at journeysendbooks.com

ANNOUNCEMENTS: 

SpCare-AuthPresence-EoL-UnivThis episode is sponsored by Authentic Presence training for healthcare providers from the Spiritual Care Program.  You can receive a certificate in contemplative end-of-life care by completing this series of three courses, including an 8-day residential immersion retreat. Highly recommended!

Learn more here.

 

FEATURE PRESENTATION:
Today Julie Saeger Nierenberg and Victoria Brewster join me to talk about their book journeysendcoverJourney’s End: Death, Dying, and the End of Life, which is a compilation of quotes, stories and resources that look at death from various perspectives. In our conversation we discuss:

  • How Julie and Vikki ended up collaborating on this book
  • How the stories in the book are organized:
    • Personal Stories of Professionals and Lay People
    • Professional Support and Caregiving Perspectives
    • Funeral Home, Post-Death and Alternative Burial
    • Grief and Bereavement
  • How they chose the contributors for the book
  • The feedback they’ve received from readers
  • How this book of stories can be useful in many settings for both professionals and lay people
  • How to submit a story for the next book in the series which will feature various cultural, ethnic and religious perspectives on death and dying

Read more about the book here.

Get the book here!

Tune in every Monday for a new episode! If you enjoy this content please share it with others  and consider leaving a review on iTunes!

Until next week:

Face Your Fear            BE Ready           Love Your Life

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EOLPodcast, Grief

Ep. 151 How to Include Children in Funerals (and Why You Should)

kwyattmd

Learn about some helpful resources for talking to children about death and funerals.

podcastchildrenfuneral

EbookyouthfuneralsIn this episode I’ll share some tips from a recent panel discussion I watched about Youth and Funerals. It’s important to teach adults how to talk to children about death and how to invite them to participate in mourning rituals when a loved one dies.

Get the eBook from Funeral Services Foundation here.

Watch the video:

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

obrienwebinarOn July 24th I’ll be hosting Suzanne O’Brien RN for a free webinar titled: “End-of-Life Doula Training for Caregivers and Volunteers.” Join us if you’re interested in learning more about the work of end-of-life doulas to see if further training might be of interest to you. You’ll learn valuable skills for caring for those at the end of life no matter what type of work you do. Sign up at the link below:

Doula Training Webinar

Thank you to my new supporter on Patreon.com/eolu: Joshua Zoppi! I’m grateful to you and all the other patrons who are helping to keep this podcast and the EOLU Interview Series on the air! If you’d like to join the team (and get special bonuses) go to Patreon.com/eolu to learn more and sign up (for as little as $1 per month!)

FEATURE PRESENTATION:

There’s no denying the importance of teaching children about death and dying from a young age to help them have a healthy attitude toward a normal part of life. Part of that teaching includes involving them in funerals for loved ones and providing appropriate support and information during the process.

In this episode I’ll talk about:

  • My own story of attending a funeral without understanding anything about death or knowing what to expect at a funeral
  • How I taught my children about death and funerals
  • The panel discussion from the Nation Funeral Directors’ Association Leadership Conference that inspired me to talk about this subject (speakers I watched and quote from include Joe Primo of Good Grief, Vicky Jay of National Alliance for Grieving Children, and Brad Speaks from Speaks Family Legacy Chapel)
  • Why children should be taught about funerals and allowed to participate
  • Why we need to teach parents how to include their children in funerals and support them in the process
  • Ways to involve children in funerals:
    • Create a music playlist for the funeral
    • Help make a poster board of photos of the loved one
    • Draw pictures of the loved one
    • Tell a story or sing a song for the funeral
    • Be a pallbearer or escort
    • Place flowers on the casket or urn or in the grave
  • Books:

Links from this episode:

Ep. 140: The Silent Grief of a Young Child with Rachel Stephenson

Good Grief Organization

National Alliance for Grieving Children

Funeral Service Foundation

There will be a new episode every Monday! If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes.

Until next week …

Face Your Fear         BE Ready           Love Your Life

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