coping with tragedy – End of Life University

Learn how for some of us it’s possible to experience grief without being sad and why that’s okay.

My guest Jennifer Mathews is a founding member of the Ashland Death Cafe and the Living/Dying Alliance of Southern Oregon. She is on a mission to shift cultural messages that hold us back from joy and to help us rethink grief and how we respond to death. She shares with us why we need to prepare for loss by developing tools that allow us to cope better. Based on her popular TEDxTalk “Death is Inevitable – Grief is Not” she also proposes the controversial idea that grief doesn’t have to be sad and it’s okay for each of us to have our own unique experience after the death of someone close to us. Learn more about her work at her website:

www.JenniferMathews.com

Listen here:

This episode includes:

What motivated Jennifer to rethink grief in her own life
How the language of grief can impact our expectations and experiences of grief
How some of our current models of grief may actually shame people who grieve differently for not being “sad enough”
There are many ways to respond to death and grief is just one of them
Adjusting to the loss of a loved one’s physical presence is not the same as grief
Why love does not always equal grief
Tools we can develop before a loss occurs to help us when we do encounter loss

Links mentioned in this episode:

Jennifer’s TEDxTalk: https://youtu.be/e5mFBlybRUw
Book: The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss by Dr. George Bonanno
Sign up for the 2021 online reading group A Year of Reading Dangerously at this link
Support your local bookstore by buying my books on Bookshop and Indiebound: 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying and The Journey from Ego to Soul
Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest supporter Judith Hillyard! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast, Grief

Ep. 281 Your Grief, Your Way: A Daily Guide After Loss with Shelby Forsythia

January 11, 2021January 9, 2021 kwyattmd

Learn about a book of simple wisdom and tools for grief that can change your entire day.

My guest Shelby Forsythia is an author and podcast host who shares a combination of practical tools and intuitive guidance to help grieving people find peace of mind after devastating loss. She discusses her latest book Your Grief, Your Way which provides brief inspirational passages for each day of the year to support the grieving process for anyone who is dealing with loss. This is just the book we all need in 2021! Learn more about her work, podcasts and books at her website:

www.shelbyforsythia.com

Get the book on Bookshop or Amazon

Listen here:

This episode includes:

Shelby’s personal journey with grief
How grief is universal but also unique to each person
What inspired her to write Your Grief, Your Way as a daily guide
Why we can’t find meaning in grief until we are looking back at it from a later time in life
Why the whole world needs to do some grief work right now in 2021
Some practical and simple tools from the book to get through the day
Why we need to share the story of our grief over and over and how the story changes with time
How Shelby has stayed in touch with her Mom after her death

Links mentioned in this episode:

Vigil for Transforming Anger
Get Your Grief, Your Way here
Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler
I Hear You by Michael Sorenson
There is No Good Card for This by Kelsey Crowe PhD and Emily McDowell
Connect with Molly Clark’s Hiking Women in Training on Facebook
Connect with Fr. Richard Rohr’s Center for Action and Contemplation here
Sign up for the 2021 online reading group A Year of Reading Dangerously at this link

Tonglen Download

Support your local bookstore by buying my books on Bookshop and Indiebound: 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying and The Journey from Ego to Soul
Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu! Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 272 The Power of Suffering: Growing Through Life Crises with David Roland

November 9, 2020November 5, 2020 kwyattmd

Learn how it’s possible to experience growth and transformation through all types of suffering and trauma in life.

My guest David Roland is a clinical psychologist and the author of the book The Power of Suffering: Growing through life crises, which draws together the real life stories of 11 people who survived crises and grew in transformative ways. David shares his wisdom and personal experience with post-traumatic growth and how strengthen our resilience. Learn more at his website:

www.davidroland.com.au

Get David’s book here

Listen here:

This episode includes:

David’s personal journey through suffering
The common stages of adjustment that occur after trauma
The neurological and emotional difference between compassion and empathy
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)
The 3 circuits of the human brain and how to activate the 3rd (caregiving) circuit during times of stress
The 6 domains of growth that can occur after trauma
- Personal courage
- Appreciation for life
- Deeper connections with people
- Clearer sense of life purpose and meaning
- Increased spirituality
- Increased compassion
How some people get “stuck” in their suffering process
Practices for increasing resilience and coping with trauma
How to be an “expert companion” for others who are suffering

Links mentioned in this episode:

Get my new book The Journey from Ego to Soul: How to Transform Your Life When Everything Falls Apart
- ebook: books2read.com/u/3GAMNO
- Print book: Amazon Indiebound
- Audiobook Apple and more
Sign up here for free workshop on November 12th – Finding GRACE in Times of Suffering
Sign up here for Mortality: Life & Death During a Pandemic on November 14th
Get David’s book here: The Power of Suffering
Tania Singer studies of compassion and the brain
Paul Gilbert book: Compassion Focused Therapy

Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

EOLPodcast, Spirituality

Ep. 259 Crisis Fatigue: How Integral Consciousness Can Help Us Accept One Another

August 10, 2020August 7, 2020 kwyattmd

Learn how understanding the integral model can help us cope with crisis and reduce conflict with our fellow humans.

In this solo episode I share some concepts based on Ken Wilber’s integral theory to help us understand why we are at a breaking point in our fragmented society right now. We will look at some new ways of viewing the world and tips for getting through our current crises by strengthening our core values, discerning the truth, and maximizing our ability to make a difference in the world without becoming exhausted.

Listen here:

This episode includes:

Three conflicting perspectives on life and the world that are fragmenting our society
- Traditional – “The Good”
- Rational – “The True”
- Pluralistic – “The Beautiful”
The positive and negative aspects of each perspective
Why each perspective dislikes and distrusts the other two perspectives
How the Integral Perspective transcends and includes each of the other three perspectives (The Good, The True, and The Beautiful)
Tips for maintaining an Integral Perspective
- Focus on your core values (what really matters), strengthen them and learn to return to your core during times of stress
- Find the truth by learning to listen to your intuition
- Care for yourself and others by learning to prioritize your efforts
- Manage your fear and anger
- Take actions that are clear, focused, impactful, vetted
- Preserve your energy for the long haul
How Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs can help you decide where to put your energy
Why we are susceptible to conspiracy theories during times of great stress

Links mentioned in this episode:

IANDS 2020 Virtual Conference
Interview on Grief2Growth Podcast with Brian Smith
Interview on We Don’t Die Radio with Sandra Champlain
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Get 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying here
Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest Patrons: Debi Schauss. Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast

Ep. 257 Coping with Unexpected Change in an Uncertain World

July 27, 2020July 24, 2020 kwyattmd

Learn how to build resiliency to better cope with the overwhelming changes taking place in the world right now.

In this solo episode I talk about the necessity of change in life and what happens when the amount of change we are forced to deal with exceeds our capacity to manage it. I share some thoughts about the consequences of “change fatigue” and how to increase our resiliency to better deal with and grow from the experience of unexpected and unwanted change.

Listen here:

This episode includes:

Why we resist change
Why change is essential for growth
The “Bucket Theory” of change
The consequences of “change fatigue”
The 6 building blocks of resilience:
- Values and beliefs
- Meaning and purpose
- Mindset
- Relationships
- Physical health
- Emotional health
Tips for strengthening your own “building blocks”
Lessons from the dying for coping with change

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world …
the master calls a butterfly.”
– Richard Bach

Links mentioned in this episode:

IANDS 2020 Virtual Conference
Get my book here: 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying
Subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio
Check out the Series I’ve recorded in the past here
Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

EOLPodcast, Spirituality, Tragedy

BONUS 10: Love Over Fear – Stories for Precarious Tims

May 15, 2020 kwyattmd

Welcome to this weekly bonus series of brief stories designed to touch your heart and offer you comfort, joy, laughter, and inspiration as we face uncertain times together! Remember always to choose LOVE over fear!

Story 10: What Life is Bringing Me Now

What Life is Bringing Me Now

Featured Quote:

Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning pp. 98-99

What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. … Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual. … When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.”
Viktor Frankl

EOLPodcast, Grief, Tragedy

Ep. 241 Life in Italy During the Pandemic: Coping with Loss and Isolation with Claire Duiker PhD

April 6, 2020April 5, 2020 kwyattmd

Learn how people in Italy are coping with the COVID-19 pandemic and what they would like us to know as we follow a similar path.

For the past few weeks we’ve been hearing heartbreaking reports from Italy about the devastation caused by COVID-19 and the efforts there to stop the spread of the virus. My special guest this week is my friend Claire Duiker who lives in Florence, Italy and will give us a personal view of day-to-day life under lockdown in her community. She shares her own coping process and what we can learn from Italy’s long history of suffering due to wars, plagues and invasions. Claire is a tour guide who is usually traveling this time of year in her job with Customwalks.com.

Listen here:

Life in Italy During the Pandemic

This episode includes:

The current status of the COVID-19 pandemic in Italy
What life is like for Claire under lockdown
How she is coping with her own stages of grief and loss while being isolated
The magnitude of this global event and why it is a privilege to witness history-in-the-making
How Italy’s long history of suffering through wars, plagues and invasions has led to a legacy of resilience
How the family-centered people of Italy are coping with being separated from dying loved ones
How isolation can help us confront our own egos and gradually become better people

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination …”
Mary Oliver – Wild Geese

Links mentioned in this episode:

FREE course on Advance Directives: www.eoluniversity.com/roadmapcourse
NHPCO COVID-19 Shared Decision-Making Tool
Observe the Ninth
Leave a message for me at SpeakPipe.com/eolu and I’ll include it in a future episode!
Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

End of Life, EOLPodcast, Grief

Ep. 240 Practices for Loss and Grief During a Time of Isolation with Kirsten DeLeo

March 30, 2020March 28, 2020 kwyattmd

Join this conversation about coping with separation from our loved ones at the end of life and practices to help us through these times of isolation.

For this episode I invited my friend Kirsten DeLeo to join me in a conversation about how we can all cope with the isolation and separation we are experiencing from our loved ones during this unprecedented time of global pandemic and quarantine. We address the pain of being unable to be at the bedside of a dying loved one or to care for the body after death due to our necessary isolation. Kirsten is the lead faculty of “Authentic Presence,” a training in contemplative care of the dying and the author of the book Present Through the End: A Caring Companion’s Guide for Accompanying the Dying. Learn more at her website:

www.kirstendeleo.com

Listen here:

Practices for Loss and Grief

This episode includes:

This is a time of remembering that we are all truly connected around the world
Staying in the present moment as an important mental health strategy during a time of crisis
Tips for returning to the present
- Slow down
- Take a break from media
- Deep breaths
- Connection with nature
Coping with uncertainty by staying grounded and centered
Our deeper connections transcend the physical realm
How to deal with fear when it overwhelms us
Balancing the “terror of being alive” with the “wonder of being alive”
Care packages for loved ones at a distance
Practices at a distance:
- Unsealing the Spring (to express love)
- Unfinished Business (for forgiveness)
- Poetry
- Music

May a slow wind work these words of love around you, an invisible cloak to mind your life.
John O’Donohue

Links mentioned in this episode:

FREE course on Advance Directives: www.eoluniversity.com/roadmapcourse
Kirsten’s book: Present Through the End
Ep. 214: Present Through the End – Spiritual Care of the Dying with Kirsten DeLeo
John O’Donohue poem: A Blessing for the New Year
Elgar’s Nimrod by Sheku Kanneh-Mason: YouTube video
Join the team at Patreon.com/eolu and get access to the EOLU mug: “Mind if we talk about death?” (only Patrons can purchase it). PLUS get our new bonuses: the monthly EOL News Update, movie reviews from 2 Doctors and a Movie, and automatic access to A Year of Reading Dangerously!

If you enjoy this content please share it with others and consider leaving a review on iTunes! Thanks again to all supporters on my page at Patreon.com/eolu, especially my newest Patrons: Jo Anna Dvorak and Emily Eliot Miller. Your contributions make all the difference!

EOLPodcast, Spirituality, Tragedy

BONUS 2: Love Over Fear – Stories for Precarious Times

March 20, 2020 kwyattmd

Story 2: Love is the Purpose

Love is the Purpose

Poem by Fr. Richard Hendrick, OFM

Yes there is fear.
Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is panic buying.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
But,
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi
People are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland
Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know
is busy spreading fliers with her number
through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples
are preparing to welcome
and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is panic buying.
But there does not have to be meanness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Today, breathe.
Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic
The birds are singing again
The sky is clearing,
Spring is coming,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Sing.

EOLPodcast, Tragedy

Ep. 170 Learn to Pause in Times of Tragedy with Jonathan Bartels RN

November 26, 2018November 25, 2018 kwyattmd

Jonathan Bartels RN

As an RN in the emergency room, Jonathan Bartels had seen his share of trauma and tragedy and he understood the toll it takes when grief and loss are unacknowledged and stifled. But one day, at the moment of a patient’s death following a failed resuscitation attempt, he received an inspiration to “Pause,” which would soon spread to hospitals around the world. He shares that story with us today.

Learn more about The Medical Pause here.